


Two sides of xmas

by aminopropyl



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Christmas, Family Issues, Fluff, Light Angst, Loving Marriage, M/M, Same-Sex Marriage, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25697950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aminopropyl/pseuds/aminopropyl
Summary: Mark is a man of principles. Everything in his world has specific place and order. Donghyuck, on the other hand, is a hurricane full of love and affection. Freedom is the most important value in life for him.Spending Christmas with Donghyuck's family is pure pleasure. The warm atmosphere makes everyone feel at home. Christmas at Mark's house is simply an unpleasant duty. Quiet and polite, full of business conversation.Two different worlds.One marriage that binds them together.Conflict burning for years.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 10
Kudos: 62





	1. Twinkle, twinkle, little star

I knew that I was dreaming about something good. I couldn't put it in specific words but I felt bliss by the very fact of being suspended between the world of reality and the world of beautiful dreams. I got the smells and sounds of a living home but at the same time I was stuck somewhere - amid the colorful illusions of the imagination. I couldn't quite decide in which dimension I preferred to stay, which is why I thanked the higher powers for the fact that someone else always made that choice for me.

"Uncle," I heard a low whisper at my ear. "Are you sleeping?"

"No" I murmured into a pillow.

"Uncle Mark went to work and I'm bored. We will go for a walk with a dog? "

"Sure" I sighed, lifting myself reluctantly from the mattress. I looked at watch and then at Hayoon. The girl sat cross-legged on the other half of the quilt and looked at me intently. "Are you sure that your uncle went to work?" I asked in astonishment noticing that it was only seven in the morning.

"Yes" she nodded. "Grandma called."

"Well, since grandmother called..." I murmured, stepping out of the room. I heard the quick patter of feet behind me and smiled under breath as the girl leaped ahead of me, rushing toward the kitchen. Milo also revived immediately, lifting his heavy head from the pillow on the couch. He clearly took advantage of Minhyung's absence in the house, who would probably kill him for squeezing the bed in the living room. Fairy tales were set on the whole regulator and crisps scattered on the kitchen counter.

My relationship with Mark's mother was not the best. In general relations with this whole family can be described as quite unpleasant. Lee is a name that is associated with prestige, money and a huge telecommunications company. The number of shares on various foreign markets protects them from financial problems even in the immediate risk of bankruptcy. It is clear that a boy from an average wealthy family, in which the father is an electrician and the mother a cleaner, will not be the perfect material for son-in-law. After all, how does it look in papers? On the marriage certificate, their son should show the name and surname of a distinguished, proud lady with a representative appearance and impeccable pedigree. Lee with Jeju's background sounds like some illegal Italian immigrant; in addition - a man. My love for her as mother-in-law was, however, equally great, so we didn't see each other often and the Lees gave our apartment a wide berth. If they wanted to see their son somewhere, it was in the company because I hardly existed in this closed world for the chosen ones.

Did it bother me?

Not really.

I had Minhyung, I had Milo, I had a loving family, fantastic friends and a job I liked. I didn't need the approval of someone I didn't care about. Sure, it would be nice if the parents-in-law wanted to create some ties but if they preferred to keep distance, our relationships could be quietly limited to holidays and birthdays; it was enough for me.

The worst thing about all of this is the fact that certain genes you can unfortunately inherit and get the specific amount of them with upbringing from home in a package. Mark has many attributes of his parents. The hard character of his father was manifested in the fact that if I wanted to break any of his ethical principles, I could give up at the beginning. Pride, honor and moral code were cardinal issues for him. The next thing was the pedantry taken from his mother. Everything in our home had to be arranged, clean, balanced and appropriate. Maybe the boy through such a description seems to be a stiff dick but it is rather my subjective, slightly caricatural vision of his flaws. It's logical that it is not like that all the time. In the end, after all, we went down this fucking aisle in spite of the fact that I am the complete opposite of black-haired. We can say that Mark's rules are only to compensate for the chaos that would come here if he didn't decide to keep me in check. We simply share certain tasks in this relationship. I am responsible for panic, mess, emotionalism and forbearance and Minhyung for self-control, order, cool realism and marketing ruthlessness and tenacity. Someone from the outside would never even think that two such extremely different people can create any relationship. But we do.

When I first came to visit Mark in the company, the secretary told me that the chairman doesn't receive mail personally, so if I have any packages, I should leave them at the reception. I didn't know by shyness, how should I explain to her that, well... sorry woman but I am his husband, not a courier. That's why I went to the reception politely and called Minhyung to pick me up from groundfloor because I was ashamed to talk to the secretary personally. He got a little tired, he complained about my childishness and inferiority and finally he made it clear to her, showing me and saying: _Stacy, this is my husband and not the postman, so next time just let him go to my office, okay?_ and not waiting for her answer, we went to the office to make it private.

"Why do the flakes lie everywhere, hm?" I asked the girl, bending down with a wet cloth to gently grab them from the floor.

Hayoon has been living with us for three days. Mark's brother, Jeno, sometimes leave her with us when he and his wife were leaving somewhere in business matters. During her stay, I truly realized what a gift parenthood is. The house then doesn't seem such an empty and simple model of the modern family of two plus a dog, it becomes fuller. It is known that the child is the responsibility, expenses and so on but I didn't think it was such a big thing to give it up right away. In our case, the maintenance costs weren't a barrier. As usual, Minhyung was the barrier. I had to ask him for almost two years to think more pleasantly about the option of a dog at home, so it was pointless to beg a child for the next ten or so. He liked Hayoon, of course. All in all she was his brother's daughter. But he liked her for a maximum of a day or two. Later, he was more and more irritated by the TV-set, the toys scattered all over the floor and the disorder in the bathroom after the evening bath. Sometimes I saw him fighting with his inner self, not to pack her in a cardboard box and send Jeno back home. The conclusion in this case was simple - Mark wasn't created at the moment to become a father.

"I called my dad and he said that I would open them quicker by squeezing the bag but it exploded," she replied with one breath, airing a little. She sighed loudly, swirling around with hands clasped on stomach. "Uncle?" She muttered suddenly, grabbing my arm. I looked at her with a smile, encouraging to continue. "You won't tattle on me, right?" she whispered softly, fixing big brown eyes in me.

"To who? Dad?" I asked with sincere astonishment. Mina would have smacked him with the slipper for death as if he were raising his voice at her. She shook head vigorously, as if I understood nothing. I threw the cloth into the sink carelessly, still remaining in the crouch.

"Uncle Mark," she confessed even more quietly than before. "He will get angry for the mess I made."

"Uncle Mark has nothing to talk about in this house, honey, remember it," I laughed happily, lifting her up and sitting on the washed-up counter. "But we have a secret contract," I confirmed. "I'm not talking about the cereal and you won't say that Milo was lying on the couch, deal?" I asked, reaching hand out to her.

"Deal!," she smiled broadly, squeezing it with both hands.

**_XOXO_ **

I was going up slowly by the elevator, undoing the tie unhurriedly. Today I was tired of everything from my mother's morning phone to the board meeting and two-hour discussions about a little-significant fair in Detroit. I didn't want anything more now than a warm bath and a holy peace. I wanted to have Donghyuck exclusive, in total, but rather it bordered on a miracle, since Hayoon called him his favorite uncle and doesn't give him peace, even walking to work with him. This fool, of course, doesn't mind at all, forgetting that he married somebody like Mark Lee. I was going to tell him today that I feel seriously neglected.

As soon as I crossed the threshold of the apartment, I heard a wounding tune from _Barbie and a swan lake_ , which was probably the sixth time this week. I rolled eyes, keeping nerves in check. I thanked God that tomorrow morning, Jeno is already taking her back because each next day brought me closer to a visit to a psychologist.

Closing the door, I was counting on some response from the household but I was greeted by only a dog. Milo walked lazily and immediately leaned his head against my thigh. I bent down and gently scratched his ear, though there was a big fucker out of him, so he probably didn't even feel it through all those shags.

"Hi," I said louder, hanging jacket. I put the briefcase in the vestibule and went into the living room.

"Hi, honey," Donghyuck said, giving me a quick kiss as I leaned over the couch. "How was it at work?"

"Waste my breath," I whispered to his ear.

"Something happened?" He asked, worried.

"Too much to tell" I murmured, placing last kiss in the hollow of his neck. "I am going to take a bath."

"Okay, I'll come to you soon," he said, returning to watch the fairy tale. I shook head, noting that Hayoon was sleeping wrapped under the blanket in his lap. Sometimes I wondered how old that boy actually is.

My mother accused me today that Haechan changed me terribly. Of course, for worse, because according to her, if the brunet did anything it must be with negative results. I didn't agree with that at all because I could clearly see the flaws of my own parents and at the same time my own, which I got from them.

I began to slowly unbutton shirt, looking in the mirror. _I didn't change_ , I thought. _I just took a different path._ I closed eyelids, listening to the sound of water filling the bathtub. It has been five years since we were married and thirteen since we know each other and my parents still cannot accept our relationship. It started to seriously bother and grieve. Not because of them but because of Hyuck to a larger extent. The boy hadn't had an easy time since we started to meet publicly. What my mother was doing to separate us was going over a human head. All these nasty mother-in-law films could be hidden under the rug. The Donghyuck family has always been very strong and close, so thanks to it, we both survived hard times. While my mother was more interested than her son in breaking down his relationship, these people have treated me like their child for long time. And I was eternally grateful for that. I was in a much better position than the brunet's, being able to address them as mom and dad. If Haechan ever called his mother-in-law _mom_ , he wouldn't be alive now.

I walked slowly into the tub, experiencing pleasant shivers all over my body. I breathed a sigh of relief, immersing completely in the water with eyes closed.

On days like today, I regretted that I was born as the eldest son in this family. There were moments in which I wanted to exchange positions with Jeno, abandon the presidency of hell and take care of what I want. Set up a family without serious duties and stress related to the life of the company, take, as Donghyuck, a job that I would love and I think that many things would be much simpler then.

I heard the boy opening the bathroom door and entering the room.

"Here I am," he said calmly, coming up to me. I felt him sit on the edge of the tub. "Tell me."

"What do you want to hear?" I asked with a smile, looking blindly for his thigh, on which I put my wet hand.

"Why are you so fucked out, huh?" He muttered, rubbing my skin with thumb. I shrugged.

"We discussed the Detroit trade fair for over two hours," I replied in a weary voice, rubbing tired eyes with free hand. "They almost killed each other when selecting a project that we would present," I laughed under breath, shaking head from side to side. Indeed, the behavior of some people in the company was extremely ridiculous at times. "Tiring business." I summed it up simply.

"Nothing new," he laughed warmly as he always did. The peace has again spilled over my heart. "When do you leave?"

"I'm not going anywhere," I sighed in anger, remembering the babel from the conference room and the mutual mudslinging by the subcontractors of individual projects. "I 'll send a manager from the finance department. These fairs are not that important, " explained.

"I understand," he answered slowly, gently stroking my arm. "I heard that your mother wanted something," he whispered uncertainly. I looked at him with the eyes of a martyr. He knew perfectly well that if this woman was for something in the company, it wasn't pleasant for him. "Don't worry, nothing will surprise me anymore" he assured calmly. It was difficult for me to explain to him that it wasn't about how he would take it. I was ashamed because I had a mother like Lee Dahwa and I have to tell him about her fantasies.

"Actually, that's the thing I didn't tell you about," I started unsteadily, pulling myself up to a sitting position. Donghyuck frowned, looking at me anxiously. "This issue has been discussed for a few months now, but..." I laughed bitterly to myself. It was ridiculous. "Mother wants you to go with me to a notary public and sign an act of property separation extended to the state of possession before marriage."

"Minhyung..." he turned to me with a Korean name, laughing out loud. Boy grabbed my chin firmly, forcing me to look into his eyes. "Are you out of your mind?" He asked, looking at me with indulgence. "You could tell me that immediately when she came to you."

"You know I'm ashamed of her," looked down. "Besides, this is pointless and I'm not going to agree to it at all. I don't know what she is actually imagining. "

"Baby... Can we just do what she wants for a peace of mind?" He asked seriously. I shook head in disbelief. There were times when I was unable to accept his accommodating personality.

"We can't perpetually fulfill her every will because eventually she will demand something that we won't be able to give her and there will be another war."

"Yeah but..." he began hesitantly, leaning head back slowly, then sighed heavily and looked at me almost pleadingly. "You know very well that this is the case, that I am... Well, from a poor family, let's face it."

"Hyuckie..." I started reluctantly. I didn't like to touch this topic.

"No, Markie... Just... It won't change anything between us because it's just a stupid paper and this is irrelevant. If I won't agree, it would mean I care about money, not you. "

"Come on," I murmured. "Never mind."

"No, Mark. Let's just think of it," he suggested calmly. "Such shit is not a reason to argue. She wants financial separation, let her have it. What does it change? "

"Nothing," I replied grudgingly.

"I know that she won't love me for it but at least he'll fuck off for a while," he laughed and I just shook head with a happy grin. I didn't know how he did it but he could amuse me even in a hopeless situation.

"Sometimes I wonder how my life would look like without you and I cannot imagine it," confessed sincerely, resting forehead on his thigh.

"You'd just try to imagine it," he said. "I would have made you such a scene that your mother didn't even hit on yet."

"Sure" I stated in ironic way, pulling him slightly to a kiss. In the end, no one bothered us, so I could fully enjoy this moment. The boy leaned forward even more in my direction, grabbing my face with both hands.

I shook head gently, wanting to quickly pull the shirt off. But I pulled it too hard and in a split second Donghyuck ended in the bathtub. The sound of water spilling out of the tiles tossed painfully against my ears and the confused expression of the boy sincerely amused me. Brunet opened his mouth in disbelief, holding hands over body like a chicken wing - soaked. He looked at me in shock, then began to laugh loudly. I easily surrendered to this mood by putting a light kiss on his wet lips.

"I love you" he choked out between successive waves of laughter, putting head on my shoulder. "So madly."

**_XOXO_ **

I sat on the counter in the kitchen, watching Mark getting ready to work. Everything was usually done with the usual scheme but today's morning was a bit different. Black-haired overslept. Actually, only five minutes that mean nothing to an ordinary person but for a perfect Lee it was already a significant deviation from the norm. Even Milo hid under the table, looking at him lazily from hiding, to not get under his feet when he rushed like a madman back and forth.

"I don't like this period after Hayoon's departure, when the house is so quiet," I confessed cautiously when Minhyung started making morning coffee. I knew that today I am extremely vulnerable to his irritation but I felt that this argument wouldn't have this power tomorrow.

"I didn't even notice that she wasn't there," he replied absently, glancing at me quickly. "Jeno was here?"

"Yeah, he picked her up on the way back from Dover before you got up," I sighed in displeasure, showing him with a hand gesture to come over to me. When he stood between my legs, I started doing his tie as it should be. "You really don't like how these feet are so softly toddling on the floor?" I asked hopefully.

"No," he answered firmly, looking at his watch. I let out a heavy breath, fixing the collar of his shirt. "We'll talk about this in the evening, okay?" He asked, tilting my head back. I nodded slightly with a sour face because I knew perfectly well that this conversation would not take place at all. As a compensation, I got a quick kiss and a breath of warmth from Minhyung's body, which moved quickly to the exit.

The house was echoed by the sound of the door slamming shut and after a while there was a dead silence that I hated so much. On holidays I didn't really know what to do. Mark's schedule covered practically all days of the week except of Sunday, while mine was rather flexible. When I agreed to replace someone on my days off, I got his instead. This week was so stupid that my unprofitable weekend overlapped with colleagues Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, so the only thing I could do in this big apartment without a husband was watching movies or listening to music.

Milo pulled me out of thoughts as he nudged my foot, yawning after that. I laughed to myself, looking at him in disbelief. He had no right to be tired when he slept the vast majority of the day but I forgave him because of his enormous body mass. Such a weight certainly pulled him down.

"What's up, buddy?" I asked him contrarily. "Wanna go for a walk?"

**_XOXO_ **

I was a hopeless husband and I was perfectly aware of it. I never knew how to talk about my emotions and my fears with another person. Donghyuck wasn't an exception in this case, though there was no man on earth who I would trust more than him. I rarely confessed him love and I never even thought of admitting to him that I wouldn't be able to handle life if he suddenly left me. If I could, I wouldn't let him out of the house, so that he would not have the opportunity to meet someone better in this world than me. I felt, however, that Hyuck knew about all this, but he was silent about certain facts because he was aware of my character. It is better not to speak out loud about some things.

Adoption is also such a matter.

It's not like I don't want to have children. However, I believe that I would not be able to cope with their upbringing. Everything would collapse as usual on Donghyuck, who, unlike me, was made to be a father and I didn't want it to be that way. Even a dog I cannot take care of, so why are we even thinking about a living, feeling, needy child. The other side of the coin is my mother, who would only move heaven and earth to stop the adoption process before it was implemented. An additional family member would mean that its creation was fully completed and would not need anything more. A child as a bonding element that make the two people stronger distances visions of divorce, on which this woman still counts despite the passage of years and the fact that we have never even thought about it. The third matter is how Hayoon is treated. If it weren't for the fact that Mina keeps everything with an iron hand and limits her contacts with grandparents to the necessary minimum, the girl would surely hate them. A child is always a noise, a disturbance and a mess - everything that Lees hate at home. I didn't think I was holy myself because I never considered myself so. I think, however, that telling child to sit all day in one place to make sure that hopefully it won't spoil anything, it's a big exaggeration. Since then, Hayoon unfortunately stays with us when the need arises because she returned from her grandparents with tears. I wouldn't like this situation to ever happen to my daughter or son.

I shuddered as my phone buzzed on the desk, tearing me out of reverie. I glanced at the screen just to find out that I had received a message from Hyuck, whose content was order to look out the window. I sighed heavily because I didn't like it, as he didn't say it directly, what he meant.

I moved away from the desk and went to the window, from which I could see the panorama of the city. I didn't notice any significant changes in it. Everything looked the same as always. I chose the brunet number.

"What do you mean?" I asked when he picked up.

"Snow is falling, moron" he laughed happily. I narrowed eyes, looking into space.

"Indeed," I murmured to the boy with a smile as I saw the petals whirling in the air. "All the best, Hyuckie," I whispered.

**_XOXO_**

Moving past all those shop windows, I realized that I hadn't bought Mark anything for Christmas. I didn't even have a clue what he might want. He didn't need anything, he didn't need neckties and he didn't like small things. Black-haired would expect something... practical, which would make it useful in everyday life but I must have maxed out the limit on the existence of useful things over the years.

We never bought anything for the anniversary, so at least I could effortlessly break this duty. It is hard to predict this occasion. The only thing we remember from the beginning of our relationship is the fact that then the first snow in a year fell, which is why its appearance was simply adopted as the anniversary date. Atmospheric phenomena are only coming at a time known to them, which was also a symbolic meaning for us. In the end, the decision to stop being just friends was also sudden and unexpected.

I remember that day a bit vaguely. Our school organized a free pass to the ice rink from the funds obtained through the sale of St. Nicholas' cakes. A week before the Christmas break, all classes were to go on skates. Neither I nor Minhyung intended to participate in this issue because we wanted our limbs to remain in one piece. On the same day, in the vicinity of the film institute, they organized a free marathon of independent cinema. As we actually met on the film circle, we unanimously decided on how to spend the day. At that time I knew that I really like Mark but I didn't want to destroy our friendship. In addition, he was rather the type of ideal man from a rich family and a good home who moved to New York because of the company's expansion and not like my family - looking for a better life. I got the impression that we just didn't fit together and he would never see me as his potential partner. Such a relationship had no chance and any future with a bunch of girls who secretly sigh to the black-haired and were excited by his inaccessibility. In those days, Mark really seemed beyond the reach of anyone, not even in origin but rather in spirit. I'm not sure if he knew where his thoughts were at that moment. In any case, we went to this cinema as friends from the film circle and nothing more. We watched a few interesting Swedish and German productions. In general, they were quite depressing and stiff but at the same time incredibly heavy, I could also consider them as valuable. Minhyung sat in one pose for the whole film show, in which I would be numb but he rather felt freely, while watching the screen in full focus.

When the marathon came to an end, it was already late in the evening. We passed in silence the shop displays shining with all possible colors, thus illustrating the power of Christmas marketing. I remember that Mark asked what I was planning to do after graduating from school. I replied that I would probably have to find a job. He was surprised that I didn't want to continue studying because he planned to send papers to good law schools. However, when I imagined myself at any reputable universities, I was caught in an uncontrolled laughter. I was rather created to supply the middle class submitting applications for allowance annually to the office. I then said aloud the thought that I had been struggling with for a long time: _in such moments a man realizes the end of great friendships_. Minhyung then stopped speechless, as if he had never even taken such a possibility into consideration before, as I had long been aware of it. I remember that I stopped a few steps in front of him and looked at his face calmly, which seemed even more cloudy by the falling snow than it actually was.

_"Are you saying that we will just forget about each other?" He asked in disbelief._

_"I think it usually looks like that," I admitted with distaste. "Artificial contact is maintained with each other until it eventually ceases to exist anyway."_

_"My parents went to different universities and, despite the passage of time, their feelings did not diminish, so I don't understand why you just cut it out," he said reproachfully, stepping closer._

_"Well... But they were a couple, Minhyung" I spread hands out of helplessness. "They probably planned a future together or a family together. People in love already have that in mind. And friends find new friends and the rest of it just goes on its way."_

_"What if I say that I won't find any new friends?" He asked, minimizing the space between our bodies. I smiled in disbelief, showing how skeptical I was about such declarations. "Or that I'm in love with you?" He continued and my face slowly darkened. I thought he was making good balls of me. I even considered the possibility that... he realized my feelings for him. "Maybe I want to plan a future together with you, Donghycuk," he whispered, bending over me._

_"Minhyung..." I whispered, looking him in the eye with fear._

_"What if I want us to become a couple?" He muttered, lightly stroking my lips with his._

_"I refer to your conscience" I joked slightly, covering his mouth with hand. I reacted with fear to the emotions that were boiling in me._

_"You know I have no conscience," he confessed simply, expecting a clear answer from me. I loved that factual Minhyung who always knew what he wanted. He always had specific goals set. I didn't even have any idea how to resist him, so I just closed my eyes and nodded head, permanently joining our lips._

That's how our uncomplicated and slightly biased parable of love looked more or less. Of course, it didn't look like anything changed because it was terribly hard to keep this relationship practically at a distance but together we managed to survive it all. In addition, Mark's mother made the whole case more difficult, trying to eliminate me by all means, which is still the main purpose of her life, as if I were some kind of pesticide-resistant damn pest.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that someone started to stroke my dog. I sighed quietly, thus breaking away from the memories and the shop window. I understood that some didn't know how to stop and they just had to come up to say _what a nice dog_ but it started to piss me off. I was already opening mouth to give the passerby attention but I recognized the man who was taking with Milo the love scene in the middle of the pavement.

"Hi, Zack" greeted my colleague, looking with a smile at his nest instead of hair.

"Hi" he laughed, getting up. "Christmas shopping?" He asked.

"No" I denied with a sigh. "I was bored at home alone."

"Well, overworked husband and these things..." he shook head in pity. "So what? Little coffee?"

**_XOXO_**

I left the store, holding two heavy shopping bags. I didn't understand why I bouhgt so much of it, since we spent Christmas with my parents but I assumed that it was always better to have more than too little. The needy, if necessary, stand on each corner, waiting for any help.

Going to the parking lot, I passed the full shop displays that emanated this kind of glamor that makes people sick. I wasn't surprised at the fact that a growing part of the society enjoys holiday-related free time rather than holidays as a value in itself. Traditions have been commercialized nowadays and in the city it has already been completely distorted and reduced to the usual gift giving to loved ones and later to their homes.

People sat squeezed in cafes, leaning over the tables, lost in conversations or their own thoughts. They looked through the glass seemingly watching life outside but not seeing anything at all. I sighed quietly, peeking through the sites. After a slow walk, however, I stopped in one place for a bit longer because something caught my attention.

In the back of the cafe, I saw Hyuck, who was sitting with a man. I've never seen him before and he didn't have my trust. He didn't differ that much from my husband's friends. He was tattooed, which I could clearly see by pulling his sleeves up to the elbow. Besides, he had so many earrings that if I put a magnet on his face, it would have at least pulled off the larger half. Donghyuck looked at him with a smile and listened intently to some interesting story. So I decided to leave them alone, going my own way.

It would be a lie if I said that my heart was not pierced by jealousy. Actually, it was a novelty for me. I felt psychological discomfort because of this because it also turned out to be a completely new phenomenon for me. It resulted from a very simple reason. Donghyuck has never given me a reason for jealousy before. Yes, he had friends closer or more distant but I knew everyone. I had contact with everyone who was close to him, so I got to know them. The man from the cafe was a great unknown, hence anxiety grew in me. He was frighteningly similar to brunet, as if from the same environment. Immediately I thought of saying that they don't lack topics for conversations and certainly enjoy the hours that pass on a casual, natural conversation.

I entered the house, leaving my shopping in vestibule. When I undressed, sat down slowly on the couch and decided to read an old newspaper, waiting for the brunet. I was curious if he would tell me about a meeting with his new friend or maybe he would conceal this fact. It was amazing that I came home before him. I got used to the fact that when he's off, he's always in the apartment. It was a natural instinct for me to expect that it would be the same today. Breaking the link from this scheme left me a slight disgust and discomfort. I lived in a monotony of everyday life that suited me. Thanks to this, everything went according to my thoughts and didn't break out of the correct rhythm of functioning. For example, today some kind of irritation caused by this unfavorable change was flooding in me. One item did not fit the puzzle.

I couldn't concentrate on reading this goddamn newspaper, so I put it back on the table. At the same moment I heard a murmur from the front door. I put hands on chest automatically and straightened up on the couch. Donghyuck entered the house, releasing the dog first. Milo slowly wandered into the living room and laid under the table.

"Hi," he said loudly. "Did you shop?" asked in surprise, taking the bags from the corridor. I heard him going to the kitchen and putting it on the counter. After a second, he came into the living room and looked at me in a strange way. "Why are you sitting here so in the dark?" He was surprised. "Something happened?"

"Where have you been?" I asked, trying to sound neutral but I had no idea if it worked out. Normally at board meetings or banquets I didn't have a problem with that. Rather, I assessed my rhetorical skills very well. However, this situation was different. With Donghyuck, I was becoming a completely different man at all.

"In the centre," he explained thoughtlessly. "I met a friend and somehow we talked out the noon. Something happened?" He asked, looking at my attitude from a distance.

"You should tell me," I explained to him my body language. The boy surprised me completely by laughing quietly and rolling eyes in a perverse way.

"Relax," he said easily, bringing the dog back to him with a slap on the thigh, then disappeared with him in the back of the flat.

I knew that I was exaggerating a bit but despite the fact that I was aware of it, I could not resist the further blur to the abyss of the absurd. It irritated me internally that Haechan was able to completely devote his attention to a different person. The whole situation in me caused many internal monologues and tangled emotions, none of which was able to clearly come to the surface.

I got up from the couch and slowly followed the brunet who bathed the dog. With a sigh, I passed all the lights that the boy had hung in the corridor. I could not understand why he had always been so happy for the xmas, since it practically brought nothing new to our lives. It was just another scheme of a tradition that was repeated every year. However, Donghyuck insisted that it made more sense and had always nice childhood memories with this period. Actually, I've never been at his home at Christmas. We always went to my parents because the boy said they don't need more arguments to dislike him. Brunet simply went by himself to his parents when his free time was still going and I had to get back to work.

I opened the bathroom door slowly, wanting to make any conversation with him. Talking on the phone during the day was not the same and left some unsatisfactory. However, when I entered the room, the humor did not improve, as I assumed earlier. I found a complete brothel on the floor and wet tiles, which I simply couldn't stand. Milo waved right and left with his tail, splattering the rest of the drops on the walls while the happy boy tried to wipe him clean with a towel.

"Shit, Donghyuck," I murmured.

"What?" He asked innocently, noticing that I had entered.

"What what," I said angrily. "Everything floats here." The boy shrugged, smiling cheerfully.

"And what did you expect for washing such a large dog, Minhyung? We haven't got it since yesterday," he laughed, looking at me with joy. I had no idea where he got the whole positive aura from but it was starting to get on my nerves. He didn't take anything seriously and would dispose of every serious case somehow. He lived in some other dimension that wasn't definitely a dimension of adults with problems adequate to their world.

"You better stop annoying me and clean it up," I replied firmly, slamming the door behind.

**_XOXO_**

Milo looked at me with compassion, nudging his head. Dogs sensed negative emotions and Minhyung was definitely its whole bundle lately. I grabbed the hair with hand and tugged it both ways.

"Well, how do we endure with this evil master, huh?" I asked, laughing when Milo, irritated, wanted to break free. I kissed him lightly on the nose and then let go slowly, for which he thanked me with a loud bark.

I shook head with joy and started cleaning the bathroom. The disgusted face of Lee sometimes expressed more than a thousand words. When he was in a bad mood, I called him by surname in my mind. I didn't want such a negative disposition to have my husband's name. I preferred to pretend that this evil part of his soul, which he undoubtedly inherited from his mother, makes itself felt. I had to put up with it because what else could I do in this situation?

I walked slowly towards the bedroom, wondering why the whole house was suddenly dark. Only the few lamps hung on the walls and illuminated my way. I walked slowly until I finally stood in the doorway, leaning arm against the frame.

Minhyung sat on the edge of the bed with back to me. He looked thoughtfully through the window. I frowned and pulled eyebrows because I hadn't seen him in such a strange mood for a long time. I was worried that something bad could happen, which he doesn't want to tell me about from his various reasons. Black-haired was just an introvert to the core of his bones and getting anything out of him sometimes bordered on a miracle.

"What's on your mind, Hyungie?" I asked quietly. When he didn't answer me, I sighed in dissatisfaction and then moved towards him. I stood in front of the man, finally turning his attention to me. "Something happened at work?" I tried to start a conversation again.

"No," he answered absently, as if I had snatched it from some incredibly absorbing course of thought. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you're more nervous than usual today," I explained simply, sitting on his legs astride. The man grimaced slightly, as if my words were something incredibly uncomfortable for him. I subtly undid the first button of his shirt just below neck.

"I am not," he replied with a smile, looking intensely into my eyes. I smiled happily, kissing him on the cheek. I knew perfectly how to soften and amuse him, which I was incredibly proud of because Mark was an emotionally tragic case.

"Liar" whispered to him earnestly, half in unbuttoning his shirt. Suddenly, Minhyung grabbed my hips firmly and threw me under him on the mattress. I looked at him in shock, not knowing at first how to react.

"Today we'll do it my way," he muttered, unbuttoning my pants.

"As you wish," I laughed loudly, pulling him down to kiss.

The black-haired pressed hard against my lips, pulling out from them a quiet sigh of pleasure. When I felt his hands on hips, which took off my clothes, I thought I really liked to rip him out of a bad mood. Maybe I didn't admit it openly but I had a desire for him for a long time. He kept coming back tired from work and I would be heartless, dragging him to the bed by force. I was going to take full advantage of the moment we had for ourselves.

I loved completely submitting to Minhyung because I saw the pleasure of domination in him.

I loved being under him.

I loved being undressed by him.

I loved being just his.

The man hid face in the hollow of my neck, eagerly placing very delicate kisses on it. I was always amazed by the fact that with so much lust, he can still be balanced and subtle. I tilted head, closing eyes and drowning fingers in his hair. I felt that I was slowly losing my logical ability because I could not formulate any opinion in head. I sighed loudly before re-joining our lips. I fully enjoyed the moment in which we only had ourselves.

When I lay under him completely naked, Minhyung leaned back slightly, letting me toss his shirt off the ground. I knew he would be mad in the morning because of a mess but I didn't care about that now. We quickly set quite different priorities. I unbuttoned the belt of his pants efficiently, then quickly got rid of everything that was completely unnecessary in this second. Mark grabbed my hands tightly, throwing them over his shoulders. I quickly took the course of his reasoning and set out to meet these expectations. I made my legs in the lower part of his back, pulling him tightly together so that we could sit down without breaking our mouth. Minhyung pulled my hair back hard, drawing my attention to him. Boy's eyes seemed even darker and more serious than usual. I looked at him quizzically as he put hand slowly to my cheek. I brang my nose lightly nearer to his nose, smiling subtly. I didn't know what was bothering him but I felt it was serious.

"I love you," whispered incredibly softly, sliding my thumb gently over the line of his jaw. I had the impression that today he needed such words more than ever. As a drug of oblivion. Like a drug in which he could lose himself.

And he did it.

He joined our lips violently, literally crushing it. I smiled not very subtly under breath, clinging to the man with whole body. I wanted him to sink. Sink in me and forgot that there is something else outside of us.

And he did it.

He broke the physical barriers, entering into me with the proper subtlety. I gasped gently, lowering myself down to the very end. I closed eyes and bit lips, hiding face in the hollow of his neck. Minhyung tightened hands on my body, sliding slowly down on my hips without reducing grip. I was shaken by the strong wave of excitement, which the dark-haired reacted to with a small laugh. I leaned back to look at him carefully and put hands on his pelvis, rose gently up to join our lips and stifle the same groan as Mark followed me and lifted his hips up.

Many years of practice have allowed us to perfectly fit on the sexual issue. We quickly entered the rhythm, accelerating more and more.

At this stage of the relationship, rather, we didn't have so much shyness and uncertainty as our first time, which wasn't so good for me but you cannot have everything. However, lust has been steadily increasing and it is unlikely that it will begin to take decreasing tendencies. This was testified, among other things, by the fact that it is difficult for us to stand up from the very look, so when we are not limited only by public places, we easily get carried away by this wave. Also, now the only limiting factor was the space and the form in which we were located. Even after so many years of marriage, I thought that making loud ecstasy was something scandalous. I was full of every loudly articulated sound, which Minhyung knew perfectly well. In turn, he liked to listen to my groans and often tried to get them out of me at all costs, which he usually succeeded.

I leaned forward, moving the man out of balance so that he fell on back. These brief moments of my apparent domination were fascinating phenomena. They lasted only a fraction of a second, when I tried to take over the initiative and satisfy the black-haired in my own way. Now we also exchanged a few thrusts and found myself again under Minhyung. I laughed between short, jerky breaths, then pulled the man down to me by hair. Boy began to accelerate significantly because it was fully enabled by his current position. I broke away from Mark's lips, beginning to feel the effects and his grunting only made me more turned on. When he hit my tender point, I shouted loudly, thrusting fingers in the back with all strength. The man didn't stop to fulfill his plan to bring us to the edge of ecstasy and as he promised today we did it completely in his mind and in his manner.

Fast.

Aggressively.

Vigorously.

With all strength.

I gasped loudly, tilting head to get out of me one of those embarrassing groans that I couldn't keep in. Minhyung's lips wandered hotly around my body, never stopping for even a second in one place. The man's strong hands were clenching on my pelvis but it was a pleasant kind of pain. I wanted this pain and I was concentrating only on it - my fuzzy thoughts that were going crazy all around head. Mark's strong thrusts led me to the edge of loss of healthy senses. I felt that in a moment there will be a peak of all this, the end of today's fun. Suddenly, the black-haired accelerated even more, striving to achieve fulfillment. When this moment finally came, we both painfully implanted ourselves in each other, weaving and groaning at the same time. I held breath for a few seconds, unable to think of anything but the orgasm we both experienced.

I sighed weakly with my lips at Minhyung's shoulder as he lay on me, firmly closing in arms. I combed his hair a little, smiling cheerfully at myself. I felt loved, safe and, most importantly, completely fulfilled. From the boy amazing heat could be felt, which I loved in every inch and in every installment. At such a moments, I had the impression that I was safe at his side, that he would always defend me and never hurt me. Because it was my Minhyung. The man whom I first loved, whom I loved to the loss of senses and whom I intended to love until death.

**_XOXO_**

"Hyuckie..." I murmured, gently tracing the circle on the back of the brunet, who was snuggled firmly into my chest and it seemed that he wasn't going to get away from it until the morning.

"Hm?" He asked, rubbing a thumb over the line that marked my rib.

"Have you ever wondered what our life would look like if we didn't get to know each other?"

"I don't remember," he replied thoughtfully. "You never gave me reason to think about that. Where does this question suddenly come from? "

"I do not know..." lied. "It just seems to me that we've been together forever."

"Is this something wrong?" surprised boy raised head. He looked at me intently, as if he wanted to sense what I was aiming at.

"No" answered "We simply didn't date anyone before us, so we don't know what we're missing."

"I miss nothing, Minhyung," he whispered, sitting at my side. "I don't how about you but I'm not sure what you're getting at, honey. I don't think I understand at all."

"I'm not aiming for anything," I smiled under breath, seeing his confusion. "Only sometimes I have thoughts that we have already gone through all stages of the relationship," I said, putting my hand on his thigh. "We were friends, best friends, couple, bridegroom-to-be and eventually we became a married couple. If we look at it, we have achieved everything that people strive for in life together. Sometimes I am pondering what we will do next. Do you understand what I am talking about? "I asked, watching him closely. Donghyuck nodded slowly. "I usually come to the conclusion that we will see over the years because now we don't see anything that we would like to change. However, there are also days when I fear that you will meet someone you consider better than me. You will compare the image of another man with the image that I am and you will find that the art you admired is no longer fascinating in old times and it's time for a new trend, "I confessed slowly and seriously because I wanted it to sound serious. These fears were not a product of the moment. They had been growing for a long time and Hyuck's new friend had only fueled this fire.

"It has never happened that my tastes have changed" he laughed. "I've been listening to the same music genre since I was a child, I wear the same type of clothes and I enjoy the same things. I don't think that the point of view on the art to which you compared yourself so colorfully has undergone any change," he said, looking at me with indulgence.

"But I'm serious, Hyuck. You know that I'm completely dependent. When I'm not close to you, I panic," I noticed quite seriously but I didn't hide that his words encouraged me.

"I know," he replied with a laugh. "Even the bedding wouldn't be changed if I did not say you had to do it. So we have already strangely shared roles simply," he shrugged, wriggling on the bed. He leaned over me, reaching for the blouse that lay on the floor. I caught him by hips so that he would not fall out. "Don't you think that this is the main strength of our relationship?" He asked, his voice muffled by the material. When his head finally appeared on top, he sat comfortably on my hips. "If we were doing something both, it would be completely senseless. And as everyone has their responsibilities, life becomes much easier. "

"I think you're right," I sighed, looking at him from bottom.

"I'm always right," he joked, quoting with the proper diction of my Father Almighty as we sometimes called him. I slapped the brunet in a thigh, unable to hide my amusement. It should not have entertained me but Donghyuck had the gift of presenting the flaws of my family in a truly comical way.

**_XOXO_**

I looked into Zack's sparkling eyes and wondered how a man could contain so much passion for music. He was full of enthusiasm and real love for everything that had the sound of rock. He told me about his old high school band and how small quarrels led to his disintegration. Later, he never tried to create music with anyone. He preferred to keep it for himself. And that was all that I was really interested in. I haven't had contact with the old world in which I functioned on a daily basis. Zack recalled memories of old buddies, garage and sleepless nights spent playing together until morning. That's how my youth looked before knowing Minhyung. Later I was too busy with our affairs and the boy himself to continue my childhood passions.

"What was your band's name?" He asked when I told him the story.

"We didn't have a name in total," I explained. "We played for our own pleasure, without thinking that anything bigger could ever emerge from it. And yours?"

"Heidi" laughed. "From the name of a girl who liked almost every boy in our school. But..." he sighed. "She was unattainable for an ordinary mortal," he spread hands helplessly, then slurped coffee.

"Sighing to the school idol is a tiring affair," I laughed.

"But how many beautiful songs were made in her honor," he remarked. "A wonderful collection and a wonderful girl" was dazzling. I wanted to snort softly with laughter but I held back with my last strength. Zack's cheeks covered the pink roses of infatuation. "How did you meet your Mark?" He asked unexpectedly, changing the subject.

"Mark..." I muttered under my breath. "We just went to one school," I shrugged.

"Love at first sight?" He suggested innocently. He looked like a man who loves romantic, tendentious stories of this kind. However, I had to disappoint him because my story wasn't to be counted as one.

"Definitely not," I denied with a smile playing at the corners of mouth. "At first, I thought Minhyung was a really horrible and rich turkey cock," I said. "Maybe because he just didn't talk to anyone, always looking down on our low world. Three-quarters of the chicks fainted against the wall at his sight and he passed by them indifferently, almost despising those poor courtship. "

"That doesn't sound good," he shook head, resting chin on hand.

"It doesn't but it's true," I said. "In the end, however, somehow I came with him to one group on a film circle and I noticed that this apparent contempt is simply the result of his shyness, calm disposition but also the innate grace resulting from a complete ignorance of the environment. It wasn't that he didn't want to stick with the " _yellow_ " kids, because he didn't stick with white or black as well. Later, we became friends and the rest somehow went further, "I said with a wave of hand.

"And are you together from high school?" He was surprised.

"From the winter of last grade," I agreed.

"Tell me that you don't argue, you have no problems and create a happy family with two plus a dog?"

"Well, not really..." I tilted head to the side, combing hair. "We have already gone through many problems. But we deal with it somehow step by step. However, the closer we are to holidays, the more often we argue," I confessed, smiling sadly at the coffee mug.

"Why?" Zack asked, pulling his eyebrows away.

"I have no idea... For some time, Minhyung is terribly chilly and cold for me. He still asks some strange questions like: _how can I know if there's anything missing in us when we've never dated with anyone before each other_. "

"You didn't have anyone before him?" He was surprised.

"Oh god," I sighed with a laugh. "That's not the problem right now," I noticed in disbelief, unable to restrain my mirth because Zack seemed genuinely shocked by this fact. He put hand to lips, unable to reconcile with his discovery. I slapped him hard in the arm. "Hey, I'm telling you that I need warmth in a relationship and you're laughing, I didn't have a pack of guys in high school!"

"You know... it's quite unheard of for a teenager from an ethnic minority in a public school somewhere on the outskirts of New York," he said. "But if you want, I can warm you up anytime," he joked.

"I love Minhyung too much to want to be heated by anyone but thanks for the offer," I said in a friendly manner.

"Just in case - you know my address," he spread arms like an exemplary host welcoming guests but I just shoo head regretfully, rejecting his proposal explicitly.

**_XOXO_**

I slowly greased the bread with butter, wondering what Haechan wanted from me. Since the morning he was circling around suspiciously, trying to start a conversation but he gave up at the last moment, pretending to have something important to do in the vicinity or in the back of the apartment. I saw those furtive looks. My suspicious nature did not let me stay calm because I was writing in my mind all the black scenarios. I knew that he had recently started to spend a lot of time with Zack and I would be a liar if I would say that it doesn't move me at all. I wanted to smash this tattooed faggot's head against the wall. I saw him definitely as a threat and perhaps even as a potential enemy with whom I would have to battle sooner or later. I was waiting for this date because I didn't want to have anything more to myself than the confrontation that sooner or later had to come. I felt that I would have to show Zack where his place was, along with a clear indication that it was definitely not by Hyuck's side.

Cutting the ham, I noticed him by the corner of my eye at the entrance to the kitchen. The boy leaned against the wall and followed closely every move I made. I sighed heavily in the spirit, wondering when, in the end, he would blow anything out. I gave him the last chance. Later I was going to go into action myself and I wanted to avoid another quarrel that we often did recently, so I decided to finish making sandwiches and see if anything happens.

However, the minutes passed, my plate filled up and conversations haven't started. I grunted meaningfully, inserting a dirty knife into the sink. I scrubbed the crumbs from the top with a cloth and put it aside, then looked at Hyuck. The boy looked at me with a look of guilt. I moved my jaw a few times, putting hands on chest.

"What do you want to say since you woke up?" I asked directly because I was tired of this unclear atmosphere, which was extremely heavy. Donghyuck grimaced slightly, then walked slowly to me and untied my hands that were crossed.

"Just don't get angry right away," he said, hugging me tightly. I sighed loudly, embracing him with arms.

"I won't," I murmured, kissing the tip of his head gently. I prayed in a spirit that it wouldn't be a confession that he did something stupid or irresponsible. I felt the sign of desperation in this embrace and I didn't like the aura of this situation.

"Because... Minhyung..." he began uncertainly. "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I think you should have a soft heart," he said, putting hands under the shirt on my back. He had terribly cold hands, which rested on the lower part of my spine and didn't move from there. "Wouldn't you want to... talk to me about this... adoption, maybe?" He asked uncertainly. I felt how fast his heart was beating and I didn't believe that it all boiled down to such a simple thing.

"No," I answered calmly. "I'd rather not."

"But..." he began as I disentangled myself from his grip.

"No, no, no. No buts" I laughed. "It seemed to me that this topic is already closed for a long time," I said turning back to him. I caught a plate of sandwiches and went to the living room, leaving him alone in the kitchen. I didn't intend to talk about the child. I couldn't imagine in the near future that something will be able to disturb our peace. The dog already filled the space of the flat enough.

"What are you afraid of in this adoption, Minhyung?" I heard the question aimed like a sharp knife in my back. I tilted head back, putting hands on hips. I didn't want to touch this topic. At least not this year. "That we won't have time for ourselves, for each other? That you don't want anyone here extra at home? Explain this to me because you still avoid answering my questions and it's much worse then saying the most harsh truth straight from the shoulder, you know?," he said with regret, putting out the light in the kitchen. He followed me into the living room.

"That's not the point," I said irritably, putting hand to forehead. I turned to him. I didn't want to argue today, really. I didn't have a good mood or enough strength for it.

"Then maybe you'll explain it to me because I'm really unable to understand you lately," he replied hesitantly, dropping hands along the body of helplessness.

"It is important that your new friend for sure understands everything better, the rest doesn't matter," I have galvanized him by being so ironic. "He put these nonsense to you?"

"The fuck... what are you talking about now?" He asked in disbelief. "What does Zack have to do with all this?"

"Quite a great deal, considering that you've been giving him more attention than you've been giving to me lately," I pointed out, carefully watching the facial expressions of the brunet.

"Don't be silly, Minhyung" he snorted. "Really. You don't want to tell me that you are jealous of a friend with whom I spend time when you're at work because as if you haven't guessed already, I'm sitting in this house completely alone during your absence," he told me with a grudge. It came to me that I was accused of ignorance right now. It was boiling in me. "I have to give up all my friends to make you happy or how do you imagine that?"

"I don't make you turn away from bloody friends for fuck's sake!" I raised my voice. Hyuck shuddered. That's true, I was rarely nervous but the subject was incredibly irritating to me. "It would be nice if you finally turned your attention to me."

"I only pay attention to you from the very beginning of our goddamned relationship and I have never even thought of changing it. What do you still demand of me?! I'm sitting here like a fucking housefrau. I am waiting every day for you to come back from work and kindly take good care of normal conversation. "

"Don't be insolent, Donghyuck," I warned, aiming index finger at him.

"But it is this way, have you been so blind to not see it for so many years?" He asked. "If you have any problems at work or in anything, then I am here to listen to you. That's what husbands are for. In the meantime, you're closing yourself in some private world that I can not access. Problems do not solve themselves in this way but rather they are constantly growing. Can't you see that we have more arguments lately than ever? "

"And you think it's my fault?" I asked in disbelief, stepping closer to him.

"And what the fuck did I do wrong?!" he yelled, which wasn't a common thing too. Hyuck always preferred a peaceful way to resolve conflicts. "What was I to blame for if you cannot answer the usual questions that I'm asking you? You can't talk to me, Minhyung, and this is a huge snag. "

"Because you obviously need a cafe, a nice environment and another guy sitting in front of you," I growled, stabbing finger in his the chest. "You ask me why I don't want to have any children?" I asked with ironic laughter. "Because you're like a funcking kid at the moment, Hyuck, so why the hell do we have a second in this house?" I threw myself with one breath. "Hm? Answer me, I'm asking! Let's talk, Donghyuck, that's what you wanted today! "

"No," he whispered, his eyes glazed in such a way that I regretted what I had said from the spot. "I don't want to talk to you anymore," he said slowly, leaving the room. After a while, I heard a loud crack of the door, followed by a long silence.

**_XOXO_**

I left the room slowly, pulling suitcase behind me. I shook from all of the uncertainty because I didn't want to do it. I felt that I shouldn't leave at that moment but at the same time I didn't see any other solution. I was hoping that a few days of rest would do us good and let us look at the recent events from a distance. At the same time I was biting my mind that I really can not imagine spending Christmas without Minhyung. It was... a tradition. Tradition and something that I never even dared to question because it would not make me think of it. We always did everything together, automatically. That's why this day was weighing on me so differently.

Black-haired stood in the kitchen leaning back against the table and thinking about something intensely. My appearance got him out of trance a bit. The man looked at me carefully but didn't ask. My luggage was something obvious and his face was incredibly eloquent. In spite of everything, he raised eyebrows in a silent demand for explanation. I took the air discreetly.

"I came to the conclusion that it would be better if we spend the holidays separately," I said shyly. I didn't dare look him in the eye. I was afraid I would hurt him and didn't want to see it. I bent down and slowly hooked Milo on the collar.

"Holydays?" He asked almost aggressively. "You look like you're leaving at least for a month."

"I have gifts for my parents," explained, although I didn't actually have to. I understood that Minhyung is deadly offended, although he didn't have the reason. There was silence between us for a moment. Milo sat patiently at my leg and watched everything carefully. Black-haired finally sighed loudly, put his hand loosely on hip, crossed one ankle with the other and leaned hand against the counter.

"What should I say at home now?" He asked suddenly.

"Truth" I simply replied. "Your mother will be happy for sure."

"Don't talk nonsense," he muttered in disgust and irritation, turning his head the other way. I smiled sadly but somehow I decided to swallow it all. I was about to apologize a second ago but I finally gave it up.

"It's nice that you ask me why I'm going," I noticed helplessly. However, Minyung only rolled eyes and leaned hands heavily on the edge of the countertop, dropping head on chest. For a long moment there was silence between us. None said anything and no words were to appear between us. I bent for a present for Mark, which put down next to the suitcase.

"You'll be back after Christmas, right?" He asked suddenly without any major emotions. It was the tone of a suspicious, tired with hard life parent who lets a child go to a party, although he doesn't like it. That's why I would lie if I wanted to pretend I wasn't annoyed at all. I was sincerely fed up with being treated like an immature kid, although I have not been a teenager for a long time.

"I just started to think about it," I said, approaching him slowly. I put the packet right next to his hand. "Happy holidays" I whispered bitterly, then quickly left the house. I felt that despite everything I made a good decision.

**_XOXO_**

It was snowing outside, making this day even more depressing than it was at the beginning. I knew that I had risen in male pride but when I took it the first time, I felt that I had to go further into this form, which force imposed my own principles on me. A model of behavior that was typical of my father. _Even if you're wrong, you're right_. His life motto.

I looked down at the parking lot, where Donghyuck appeared, heading towards his car. I took a sip of water from the glass because I felt a sudden dryness in my throat. I realized that he really was leaving and apparently I didn't have the slightest influence on it. Donghyuck was leaving and I stood and passively watched his movements from above.

I was wrong.

I was scared.

I couldn't talk.

I was guilty.

I knew it and despite this knowledge, I didn't intend to do anything. I didn't want to change this situation because I couldn't imagine myself in a position admitting a mistake. Brunet has always helped me out even if we both knew he wasn't a guilty one. He did it for peace, harmony and my well-being.

The boy loaded a heavy suitcase into the trunk and slammed his flap tightly. He combed hair with a nervous movement, then looked towards the entrance to the block. He knew I wouldn't go down. He fought confidently with himself not to return. I knew him well. For so many years, nothing could ever have escaped us. In spirit, however, I was contradictory. This duality stemmed from the pure fact that I really wanted to have him with me in my arms. On the other hand, if he came back now, he wouldn't make me take any initiative. This initiative from my side was very important for our relationship but for now I didn't feel able to take it. We both knew that we must feel our lack realistically so that something could come of this. To give all of the squabbles of the week a meaning.

Finally, Donghyuck shook head and opened the car door behind him so that the dog could climb onto the seat. This meant that he had just made his first assertive decision. Then he got into the car and left the parking lot, getting into traffic and then he disappeared completely from my sight. The first time everything was in my hands.

What immediately struck me was silence. Silence in our home, which I almost never experienced. Complete lack of life and darkness approaching the end of the day. I think nothing else could match that. Loneliness has cornered me literally from every side, which hasn't appeared since I met Hyuck. Such moments were more typical of my childhood, where I didn't really want to come back with my thoughts.

I didn't even notice that I clenched fingers on the glass until it slapped in my hand dully. I threw it away from me with a hiss, gazing at the hand from which blood began to run slowly. I cursed violently under breath, which wasn't really part of my nature and I went quickly to the bathroom. By basin, I should find a first aid kit and some bandage but in practice it didn't happen. It hit me painfully that I don't have the slightest idea where everything is in this house. Donghyuck always dealt with the cleaning and arranging of the space, at least helping me with the house. I sighed with irritation and turned on the tap with cold water, gently washing my bruised hand. I didn't suffer serious injuries and the wounds were rather scratches than serious cuts, so I found that there is no reason to treat myself like a baby and it is enough to wash it.

I knew that I had nothing to delude that Donghyuck would come back. I had to call my mother and announce that I will come this year alone for the Christmas. This meant a change in the scoring system of our war. Scale pan decided to lean on her right now. I began to wonder how I should play it, not to give her a sense of victory and advantage. My mother is like a predator. If he senses a weaker unit in his vicinity, she will definitely use this moment. The victim will fall down under her paws.

I walked slowly towards the living room, where I left the phone, looking at the inside of my hand. I seemed to be pretty okay and it was rather unlikely that I was involved in a fight. The modern world was preoccupied, so I had to do everything to avoid false slander. In the passage I stepped on one of Milo's toys losing balance for a moment. I swore, looking at feet and then at this shit, which almost have killed me.

"Stupid hairy... ugh" I muttered with hatred, kicking a plush creature for a TV set. I took a phone from table in a sweeping motion and dialed the number. After a few signals, I heard a woman's voice. "I'm just calling to say that Haechan won't be with us on Christmas Eve," I explained immediately, bluntly.

"Oh, what happened?" She asked cheerfully. I couldn't stop myself and rolled eyes. She was too predictable. "I don't think you broke up like this before Christmas, did you?"

"No, however, Hyuck's mother became seriously ill and we came to the conclusion that he should go home this year," I lied without stammering.

"Mhm..." she murmured suspiciously. "But you will be, sonny?"

"I will be, Mother," I sighed with a heavy heart. "I promised you."

**_XOXO_**

When I called the door, I had mixed emotions. On the one hand, it was stupid for me to come up without any notice but on the other hand, since I were married to Mark, I have never spent Christmas Eve here. I always visited the first or second day of Christmas because Minhyung's parents liked to feel more important and we preferred not to check what would happen if they were removed from the podium.

My mother opened with the warmth of the whole house and its sounds. I knew that my sister and her children had already arrived thanks to the car in the driveway and the loud squeaks of the daughters only confirmed this.

"Hyuckie" shocked face was made by a surprised woman. "What are you doing here? " She asked. After a while, however, she probably sorted few things out and invited me quickly inside and when I crossed the threshold, she hugged me tightly with a broad smile on her face. I returned the hug in silence, glad that I could receive it today. I realized fully how much I missed this family atmosphere.

"I decided that this year I will be with you for Christmas," I said simply, pulling off my jacket. With a smile I looked at the immortal reindeer sweater that the woman was wearing and really felt that I had made a good decision. Milo started to leap out of me, hearing the laughter of children coming from the living room, so I bent quickly and let him go ahead. The dog ran like crazy in the direction of fun, deciding on his own fate at his own request. I felt that I lost him for these few days.

"I'm very happy with this son," she began uncertainly. "Just why did you come alone?" She asked with obvious confusion. I could see on her face that she had a silent hope that Minhyung would just quit the car engine, or get tired of bringing presents and join us soon. However, nothing like that awaited her. It was hard for me to be aware of it especially that Mark was her beloved son-in-law, so I was very happy when my father appeared in the corridor, saving me from oppression.

"Never mind, Soojin," he said as if it wasn't important at all and mom was worried about stupidity. "Hello, son" he smiled warmly, closing me in his arms. His strong pat on my back gave me an atmosphere of understanding and security. I was happy to think that I have both of them in one place.

**_XOXO_**

I walked slowly into the company, drawing on the warm air that struck me inside. If you did not take into account the duty, the place was empty today. I greeted him with a nod and the man did not hide his surprise at seeing me.

I could not bear the dead silence that prevailed in our apartment. Throughout my mind stupid thoughts swirled. However, there were also those that cheered me and motivated to act, so I could characterize it in a dualistic way.

I walked slowly into the elevator, which, due to lack of people, was waiting for me right at the bottom. I pressed the button with the number of the top floor helplessly and leaned against the wall. I did not enjoy this holiday at all. I have never been happy about it but this year I was desperately longing to escape somewhere far away.

Suddenly the elevator stopped on the sixth floor and the door opened. My secretary and her child came inside. She looked genuinely surprised by my presence and certainly also by appearance. I always wear a suit and tie for work and now I stood in front of her in a loose T-shirt, sweatshirt and ordinary jeans pants.

"Good morning, Chairman," she greeted politely, pressing the button with the fourteen.

"Good morning," I replied. "Are you still working at this time?" I asked.

"I forgot a few files and had to go back to collect them from the desks," she explained quickly, dropping her eyes. Indeed, it was an oversight on her part but I had my own affairs on mind, so I didn't take care of it today as much as if I did it normally. I just nodded at the sign that I had accepted it and then we were in silence.

Stacy was holding the small boy's hand, who was looking at me with interest. I had the impression that I could clearly see my reflection in his large blue eyes. The child had a small fist in mouth and fiercely drooled, following my every move carefully. I looked at the blonde with real cold and hatred because it did not suit me that he was so brazen and unreflective looking at me. The boy, however, remained unmoved. Actually, he was not so much scared as he reacted differently than I had anticipated. He smiled broadly, chatting loudly, then began to curtsy happily on his short, fat feet, as if I am amazingly amused him with my frigidity. I sighed in resignation, looking away.

"Happy holidays," said the woman, getting on her floor. I just nodded her goodbye and went even higher.

I entered the office, which also seemed as depressing as my home at this time. I felt that there is no place today that would not depress me.

I sat down slowly in my chair, putting hands on chest. I took a long look at the picture that showed me and Hyuck at the camp in the last grade of high school. We sat by the fire, fiercely talking about something. I don't even remember exactly who took this photograph. However, I found it amazing and when I was in college, it reminded me constantly about the boy and that I have somewhere to go backto and this return is worth it. I was feeling good at Yale, despite the huge amount of stuff to learn by heart. That's why I probably did not go to New York as often as I could althoughNewark and New Haven were only three hours away by car. I didn't notice at all at that time how much with Hyuck we were moving away from each other until he stopped picking up my phones. Later on from my mother, I learned that he was playing in a garage band for a few months. It was the moment when I realized that I really didn't know what was happening to him. That he was right in saying that the distance kills friendship and love. I did not listen to him then. In high school, it seemed to me that we would survive everything. I saw my terrible mistake. That same day I got in a car and went to New York.

I opened a drawer with a huge weight, which contained a navy blue folder. I took it carefully because it was not so much her physical weight as the psychical of the content. I didn't believe that I wanted to do it. I've kept it here for many weeks but I never thought that the time would come when I would finally open it.

I knocked on the door, buttoning my jacket with a sour face. I was able to name a thousand different places in which I would rather be present than stand in front of my parents' house. The area was so quiet that I could easily hear the mother's heels, which were tapping the static rhythm, bouncing off the tiles. I barely stopped the sarcastic smile when I thought about her seeming professionalism and business mastery.

"Hello, son" greeted with a polite smile of a dignified hostess. She made room for me in the door, letting into a cool winter kingdom made of white Italian marble.

"Mother," I replied with a nod, kissing her on the cheek. I began to wonder how I would survive tonight without Hyuck and his jokes about my family. We always went out to the balcony after dinner to parody their theatrical behavior at the table. Today, I had to deal with it myself somehow. "Father," I said as I walked into the living room and my dad sat in the chair reading a newspaper. He folded it slowly and put it back on the table, then stood up to give me his hand stiffly as always. I squeezed it tightly, what he returned. We went to the table silently and waited for Jeno with his family.

After an hour we were already at full strenght. When my brother came, it immediately got louder and for a moment I was deluding myself that maybe even a little more family-like. Right away I was led out of this error when my mother silenced Hayoon, who hoped that somewhere in the corner was her favorite dog. The girl immediately wore off her face as soon as she entered the dining room and nowhere she saw neither her favorite dog nor her favorite uncle. At that moment, I felt her holidays were over. She didn't have a reason to come here anymore. The girl put her intertwined hands on dress and looked at me uncertainly.

"Hi, Uncle," she murmured indistinctly, not even trying to smile.

"Hello, toddler," I smiled, wanting to comfort her. Hayoon was surprised by my friendly attitude but I don't think she considered it suspicious because she sat down next to me.

"Where's Uncle Hyuckie?" She asked in a whisper, looking back at others for no one to see her.

"He had to go to his mother," I also answered quietly. "But he left you a great gift, which is better not to be opened near grandmother."

"Really?" She blushed. If grandmother couldn't see something, it was known that it was really cool. That's why I nodded slowly and Hayoon's eyes glowed even more. "May uncle Mark pass to uncle Hyuckie a kiss from me? So, so strong kiss?"

"I'll pass it" laughed, gently combing her hair. I gave myself a few points for just trying to be nice. This child didn't even know how much it cost me. Luckily, Jeno and Mina came into the room and I didn't have to play a good uncle. I got up from the table and went to my brother. "Hi" I greeted him, squeezing with all my strength.

"Hi," he said, slapping me hard on the back. "There is no Hyuck?" He asked.

"Long story" I just sighed.

"I don't penetrate," he said and went to Hayoon.

"Minhyung" Mina smiled at me. I took her quickly in my arms. "Take me away," she whispered in my ear. I laughed subtly.

"We can escape together," I replied. "Good to see you."

"You too," she admitted kindly, moving away from me. We went towards the table. "Where's Donghyuck?" She asked.

"Long story," said Jeno.

"Did I ask you for a sentence?" She was suddenly furiously irritated by the fact of spending Christmas with her parents-in-law just like Donghyuck every year. "I understand," she nodded sympathetically, turning back to me with a very gentle tone.

We sat down at the table.

No one talked to each other as usual and everyone ate their portion in silence. I glanced at watch. It was the eight. I sighed in bitterness that this time is going so slow. Hayoon probably shared my mood because every now and then she looked towards the Christmas tree because the presents were probably her only joy in this house. She didn't even eat, since her beloved grandmother told her that if she could not eat Christmas Eve dishes, only the gherkin with a fork in her plate, she shouldn't do it at all. I saw that Mina was boiling inside, wanting to answer her mother-in-law, whats in her heart but Jeno discreetly grabbed her hand under the table, so for a moment there was _peace_ again.

I looked at the phone, wanting to check if Donghyuck was calling me by accident but in addition to the wishes of the employees, I didn't find anything on the screen, which would be of special interest to me.

"You're not at work, Minhyung," my mother said suddenly. "Hide this phone."

"I'm not a child first," I replied calmly.

"So don't make us treat yourself like a child," my father stubbornly supported her.

I didn't say anything about it.

It was the nine o'clock when the topics of politics, law and finances started slowly at the table. As usual, my father had the most to say, what he showed off, even though he was in the family and didn't really have to experience it. Mina was looking at the plate, Jeno was showing false interest and I was swaying a glass of wine, watching his red reflecting off the glass walls.

Holidays were as monotonous as they were every year. I could not, unfortunately, be distracted from these complicated topics of conversation by Hyuck and our thumbs war under the table, so I had to turn myself off of those tortures independently. Suddenly, however, there was a bang close to me and it pulled out of this reverie very effectively. Hayoon obviously wanted to pour the juice but the result was a huge, purple spot on the mother's wonderful tablecloth. It was known how it would end.

"Damn it," Jeno panicked at once. He rose as if burned from the table and moved his daughter away from him. "Go aside, sweetheart."

"Congratulations my son, you cannot even raise a child properly," my father said.

"You don't even know how many generations this tablecloth is in our family," Mother added.

"Chill out, it's just a kid," I said, paying attention to them. "You could have foreseen that something like that will happen in the future."

"I see that your husband's simple thinking has gotten into you," my mother noticed with anger. I knew that opposing her was a bad idea.

"Better simple than limited," I replied imperturbably, putting the wine down on the table. I felt that Jeno was looking uneasily one at me and once at my parents, not knowing what to do in this situation. There was silence at the table. My answer wasn't the answer for which they were prepared. "Excuse me, please, but I don't feel like spending any more time with you," I grunted, standing up. I buttoned the jacket and bettered sleeves.

"Jeno, dress Hayoon," Mina said matter-of-factly, stopping with being silent until now. "We're also going home."

"Don't make fun of us now. Minhyung, don't be silly and sit down, you're not going anywhere," Father ordered in a tone of no objection. I sighed deeply, closing eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dad, but I _am_ going," I replied. "I still have one more family, if you have forgotten and I should visit them today. Therefore, forgive me. Merry Christmas" I said goodbye, then left the house and got into the car.

**_XOXO_**

"And so the best action was when we found that the girls are already big enough to be able to entrust them with paints," said Joy, waving in the air with a fork.

"We left them literally for half an hour alone in the room and when we returned, we could say goodbye to the carpet in the living room and Jiah, who had no idea what was going on but she sat in the middle and enjoyed herself that it was colorful," Taeyong finished with the smile of a proud father.

"They painted not only their sister but also the whole room," Joy continued. "We decided to leave it that way because in the end we were not supposed to play there but kids," she shrugged. I was happy when I watched her make her life in a simple but arranged way with a wonderful family. She was clearly enjoying the role of mother and wife, so the fact that I didn't have to ask how they arranged at home was an amazing relief that I couldn't express.

"Until when are you planning to stay with us at all?" Mother asked, feeding Jiah with milk from a bottle.

"I guess to the second day of Christmas," answered the sister. "Twenty-eighth we have to go to work."

"And you, Hyuckie?" My father grunted, making me swallow the fish, almost choking. I felt the eyes of everyone who sat at the table. I knew that they are extremely curious, why I arrived completely unannounced yesterday and additionally all alone. They waited for the Eve to end, just to ask about Minhyung and what was happening between us.

"I don't know," sighed. "I think like Joy. In the end I also have a job," I murmured, thus creating a second silence.

"Well, my children are so busy," mother began with an unnaturally concerned voice. "The girls are only going to school in January, right?"

"Mhm" confirmed Taeyong with a full mouth.

"That's great, you would not want to leave them with us until the new year?" Suggested the woman. "And it's still quiet here. We have nothing to do, at least children will take care of it, as befits grandparents. "

"No problem" sister nodded vigorously. I had the impression that it was an exchange that aimed to mask the awkward silence from a few minutes ago. I didn't naturally blame them. My family has always been curious and it was very hard to mask these emotions. However, they cared for me and didn't ask about anything. It was so cute and lovely that I wanted to laugh in a way.

"We finally unpack these presents?" I asked uncertainly. As Jieun and Jiyoo stood on the command of both sides, I wasn't fully aware of what was going on. Jiwoo joined them. I began to laugh loudly, not believing in my small, child-made army. The word 'gifts' is the most serious command for them. Joy looked at me sternly, probably accusing me with eyes on her children's defiance and rebellion. "Forgive me" I slid down on the chair, covering mouth with fingers to hide sincere amusement.

"Moooooomyyyy," Jieun moaned, looking at my sister with an exuberant lip. As she was the oldest, her charms seemed to be getting smaller and smaller every year. Joy sighed quietly and shook her seriously. "But mooooom..." she tried again.

"Sit down, it's not time for presents. Your stupid uncle will explain it to you," she said, twisting jaw threateningly. I gave a soft laugh.

"Sorry, girls" I laughed. "Guess you can last few more seconds?" I asked, looking at them with dumb pleading. Jiyoo rolled eyes and returned to place. The sister breathed inwardly with relief. However, as it turned out, it wasn't the end of the fight for their rights. Jiwoo walked over to Taeyong and grabbed his hand. The man bit lip, wanting to be strong. Sometimes father is not constipated enough to resist the charm of his youngest daughter. The little girl pulled him lightly to her and showed wih finger on the Christmas tree, smiling broadly.

"Joy," Taeyong murmured pleadingly. The woman raised eyebrow high.

"Men," she said. "Seemengly strong and in fact such a soft lumber to the charm of a woman" she sighed with pride. "No offense, Hyuck," she added after a moment. I smiled under breath.

"No problem," I replied. "I felt you would have to tie up."

**_XOXO_**

As always, the Lee family home was heavily decorated and illuminated. From a pessimistic point of view, I would be afraid of a short circuit in their place that would cause a fire. However, it certainly looked nice and familish. Like a typical warm house for the holidays.

It was quite late and I had doubts whether I was a welcome visitor at this time. Besides, the parents of Donghyuck were not blind and they noticed that their son had come to supper without his husband. Only the light from the kitchen and living room gave me hope that it wouldn't be so bad. Of the two bad ones, I definitely preferred Christmas at Lee's home than at home of my origin. His mother always treated me like a son, even though she didn't have to. She never reproached us for a different orientation and for the wedding she was happy as every mother is happy when her child finds love of his life. In my heart, I envied the brunet that he was brought up in the arms of this woman.

I left the car slowly and inhaling the cool air, I moved slowly toward the entrance to the house. I breathed deeply, standing in front of the door. I unbuttoned the jacket, then knocked. A moment passed before I heard someone else's footsteps but it didn't bother me. I was glad that I'm finally here. Suddenly Mrs. Lee stood in the doorway. She looked at me uncertainly but after a second she smiled warmly.

"Minhyung" sighed happily.

"Hello, mom," I said, stepping over the threshold. I kissed her on the cheek. "Happy holidays," I said.

"Happy holidays, honey," she answered, taking my jacket off. "Although we are already after dinner, I can always prepare something for you."

"There is no need," I assured, pulling off my shoes.

"Hyuck is in the living room," she explained helpfully, then disappeared quickly in the kitchen. It was clear from her behavior that our argument was more than obvious.

I walked slowly down the corridor, walking carefully along the wall. The first thing I saw after entering the living room was a TV set, on which the _Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron_ ran. I didn't want to know how I knew this title but Donghyuck usually watched a lot of fairy tales when Hayoon came to us, so It was something that probably passed over my eyes.

I found an unusual picture for me and certainly in my family home. Joy's daughters were tucked into the corners of the sofa and looked fascinated at the screen. One of them had a place in the middle of the couch, so it was mainly on her that Milo lay sprawled all over the bed, which probably was like _whatever_ today. Jiwoo rested on him with her whole body and whispered the _gee-gee_. Indeed, the movie was about ponies but I didn't understand why she was always talking it to herself. I laughed under breath but not because of it. My heart completely stole the picture of the little Jiah who was sitting upside down on the sofa but at the same time her legs dangled on the shoulders of a sleeping Donghyuck who was sitting on the floor with arms crossed over chest. The girl had her head raised high up and watched the fairy tale action with attention, opening wide mouth. Her little fingers were still playing in the brunet's hair, twisting them around, jerking them a little,vor patting them at all when the horse snorted ridiculously on the screen and she was with him with all her body. Haechan didn't do anything about it, so I guessed they must have exhausted him for the last few hours.

Milo finally sensed me by some means and picked up his lazy ass from the couch, moving towards me. When he came quite close, I noticed that his thick fur was adorned with numerous beads and bows. I crouched unhurriedly and let him nudge me with this huge head.

"What did they do to you?" I asked, combing his hair. Milo just breathed out loud, probably having it deep in the ass. He was too lazy to react to whatever he wears.

The sudden disappearance of their favorite toy caused a stir among his group of admirers, who began to call him, to kiss him and to punch him. I literally saw in one second various attempts to lure the dog back onto the bed of his pain. A sudden uproar made Hyuck move uneasily and after a moment he was quite awake. He looked behind him and then in the direction of the screams. When our eyes met, I smiled gently and nodded. I found this a rather awkward situation. In the end, we cannot say that we parted in peace and agreement.

Haechan attempted to rise from the rug but it was effectively thwarted because Jiah's fingers were braided in his hair for good and the brunet was forced to sit back on the ground. The girl laughed loudly, kicking legs. Donghyuck sighed, grabbing her hands to free himself from them.

"Uncle is so funny, right?" He asked, kneeling. Jiah just let bubbles out of her saliva in response and began to laugh again. Brunet quickly summoned Milo and snapped once with fingers, showing him the floor next to the sofa. This form of domination was the only one practiced by Donghyuck. The dog collapsed on the carpet and something told me that he would not get out of it until the morning. He was a really lazy animal. The man sat Jiah beside Milo and baby immediately began to sink it fingers into dog's fur. I think she had some unhealthy fetish. The boy finally got up and came to me with a confused expression.

"Hyuckie..." I started carefully but he would not let me finish. He immediately joined our lips, throwing his arms around my neck. I embraced him lightly around waist and pulled closer to me. Brunet's mouth was eager and thirsty and I didn't pay him debt. I really missed those lips and the inability to taste them in the morning before leaving the house was unimaginable to me. Sometimes I thought that one day without him it is not a big disaster. However, I realized today that I had already become accustomed to having it at any time and even such a day of delay seemed to be eternity.

"Let's go to the kitchen," he whispered, lacing our fingers discretely. I nodded slowly and kissed him on the forehead.

When we joined the rest of the family, there was a grave silence. However, it was not due to the fact that we were unwelcome guests but rather that we stopped discussing a topic that we had no idea about. After a second, however, it became loud again and I was welcomed by the rest of the Donghyuck family traditionally warmly, which these people probably already had inscribed in the genes. All seats in the kitchen were already occupied and the space was rather limited by furniture but it was not a big problem for us. I leaned my back against the kitchen counter with Hyuck and put my arm around his shoulder, which would be unacceptable for me at home. On the eve of Lees, it's best to hold your hands under the table like a shit, so that no one will see that you have higher feelings.

"Why are you dressed up this way today?" Joy asked suddenly. "Are you coming back from a meeting?"

"Yes..." I started uncertainly, looking at the loose Taeyong's outfit, which consisted of jeans and a sweatshirt. "In a way," I said finally.

"Glad that you came because we were already worried that we won't see you this Christmas," she admitted with a disarming honesty, which I could only smile weakly in response. The only thing that frightened me in the Hyuck family is that honesty above all and the simplicity and openness of expressing feelings.

"We just talked about how we spend tomorrow's day," mother explained. I felt Donghyuck discreetly putting his palm into the back pocket of my trousers. "We thought that traditionally we would go to the clearing."

"The children are running out with the dog and the adults will talk quietly," murmured father, who was not very talkative but incredibly generous and forgiving in many matters.

"It doesn't matter to you, Hae, you're playing with the kids," Joy remarked maliciously. "Two -Zero," said after a while, pleased with herself, seeing Donghyuck's face full of disbelief and theatrical envy.

"I will get revenge," he replied with narrowed eyelids. "You don't know the day or the hour."

"No doubt" the woman laughed, already counting the cups for winning.

"What's the matter?" I asked, looking at Hyuck with a confusion painted on face.

"I will tell you later" he promised with a joyful smile, patting me gently on the stomach.

"Undoubtedly something to brag about," his sister was ironic, drinking tea.

"How old are you, woman," Taeyong suddenly said, looking at this incident from a distance.

"What are you picking on me and how old is he?" She asked suddenly.

"He's seven years younger than you, Joy," said the man. "And you both are sometimes worse than Jiyoo."

"Okay, leave it for later," my mother interrupted. "Who wants to get up in the morning to make sandwiches for the road?"

"I can," Joy said, not covering her offended face.

"I will prepare tea then," Hyuck grunted.

"My children, so harmonious," mother laughed proudly but not without a hint of teasing. "How at work, Minhyung?" She asked suddenly. "Are you having a hard times alone in this large company?"

"No way" I lied. "Sometimes it's tedious but it's only short periods. Lately everything has been going well. "

"And how at home? All healthy? " She asked and I saw that she really was interested in it, even though my family never bothered with them in a special way.

"Hae, are the children finished watching?" Joy intervened. The boy leaned subtly behind the corner, putting his hand on my back.

"You know what... I think they do," he replied after a moment.

"That's great. Help me get them to sleep. I won't manage to bring them upstairs alone." She looked at boy significantly, what even I could sense. I realized that there was a topic in the air meant only for the ears of the two. "Do not disturb yourself," the woman whispered, then left the room with Donghyuck.

"Well then... yes, all of us are healthy," I referred to the earlier question. "My parents are doing pretty good and Jeno and Mina are trying to bring Hayoon up well. Who knows better then you, mom, that there is nothing dynamic about us," I joked and the woman smiled sadly. I sneaked into the living room and saw Hyuck struggling to stop laughing, pulling Jiah from Milo, who didn't mind the warmth of her petite body. Joy shook head in amusement and patted Jiyoo and Jieun in the shoulder and Jiwoo was still small enough to take her in her mother's arms. "Cool, you have these kids," I finally said to Taeyong.

"They are fun only when they are asleep" he laughed. "Do you want a little toddler with Donghyuck?" He asked. I took air in cheeeks and put hands on chest. I shook head slowly from side to side.

"Well... somewhere between the lines we have been talking about this topic but rather it's not anything really specific at the moment. After all, the adoption process itself takes quite a long time, "I explained meticulously, avoiding many things that they didn't need to know about. These were my and my husband's matters.

"Yeah, sure," he admitted reluctantly. After this exchange of opinions, there was a rather unpleasant silence in the kitchen. We clearly felt the lack of hyperactive siblings who disappeared somewhere at the top.

"I'll take a look at how they deal with kids," I said suddenly and walked slowly out of the room, suffocating somewhat in this atmosphere. Sometimes I had the impression that Joy and Hyuck were bonding this family. If it weren't for them, we would rather have nothing to talk about at the table alone.

I climbed slowly up the stairs to the first floor. I wasn't in a hurry anywhere. I just wanted to sneak out of the clutches of awkward family silence. I noticed the faint light coming from the lamps from the room at the end of the corridor and I went towards it. Actually, I didn't know this house well. With Donghyuck, we didn't come here very often and in my youth I didn't pay much attention to its construction. Intuition, however, prompted me to slow down my steps and strain ears. Or let's be honest, I was devastated by curiosity about what Joy wanted to talk to Haechan and what the rest couldn't know.

"Is something wrong between you two?" Asked the girl. "You can tell me."

"Oh, give me a space," said the brunet.

"Hyuckie..." she whispered inexorably, wanting to find out what was on the topic. I didn't think there was an affair for us now but apparently everyone was waiting for the right moment to ask their brother why we hadn't arrived yesterday together.

"You know how sometimes Minhyung is," he sighed tiredly.

"Hard, cold and stiff but madly in love with you, darling. I know it all," she said, hurting my male pride at this point. I really didn't think I was stiff in her eyes but every day you can apparently learn about other quite interesting things.

"Exactly," Donghyuck chuckled, not seeing anything in her words contradictory to the real state of affairs. "Well, it's been a bit difficult lately but it has been worse in the past, so there is nothing to discuss this topic too much."

"I am a woman, I need to know because it will destry me," Joy suddenly said, including in these words the whole truth about women. Nosyness to the full. "Taeyong is interested too."

"So together you are talking my love life out behind my back, yes?" Donghyuck was surprised.

"It's all out of concern for you, darling," replied the woman. For a moment, there was silence between them. I stood on the corridor leaning against the wall and wondered why I was listening to it all. I knew perfectly well that I wouldn't hear anything here that would raise my self-esteem.

"Minhyung doesn't want to have children," he finally said.

"Oh dear," Joy was surprised. Apparently she didn't expect it at all. "Then you have a big problem," she noticed quite seriously. There was nothing in her joyful, distracted girl's tone.

"Well, yeah," he admitted sadly.

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"I tried" confessed the brunet with a heavy sigh.

"And how did he react?"

"That's how he reacted - I thought we would spend the holidays separately," the brunet irritated. Clearly, this conversation didn't fit him. I was wondering whether to interrupt it in some way but I decided that it wasn't the right moment. It would be clear then that I was eavesdropping all the time.

"How bad?" She demanded.

"He said I act like a child, so we don't need a second one."

"So you argued," she sighed. "And what now?"

"Well, I will probably let go," said Donghyuck with complete resignation and powerlessness.

"Don't even joke that way" his sister immediately got frustrated. She always had a rebellious and impulsive character and I wasn't surprised at her reaction at all.

"He doesn't want children, Joy," he told her firmly. "I knew that when I married him, so now I have to accept it. I don't want to argue again. "

"As you wish..." she muttered, suggesting that she would probably be at loggerheads with Taeyong until she get what she wanted.

"It's enough for me to take care of this small crumb" Hyuck stated cheerfully, probably looking at some child with the typical fascination for him.

"Do not pamper her so much because the girls are already jealous. Everybody wants uncle Hyuck's full attention and this worm takes all of it for herself. "

"Who steals my husband from me?" I broke in suddenly, acknowledging that now is the right moment to break into the room. I decided to pretend to be a happy, happy man, not to accidentally show how all these bitter words touched me.

"Jiah" laughed Joy. "Today, she can not get enough of him."

"I don't mind such a sweet kid", he murmured delightfully, hugging the girl tightly.

"Come on, give her to me because I will be jealous of my own daughter soon," the woman said suddenly, taking Jiah carefully from the shoulders of her brother so that she wouldn't wake her up.

"Somehow I got colder," Hyuck remarked sadly. "But she's such a nice, portable radiator," he laughed softly, not to make too much noise with his discovery. I approached him slowly and nestled into the hollow of his neck, putting hands in his hoody pocket. I closed eyes, reveling in the proximity of the boy. "Tired?" He asked, combing my hair gently with his fingers.

"A bit" whispered.

"Are we going to sleep?" He asked, putting his hands on mine.

"Mhm..." I murmured, kissing his neck. The boy laughed softly, lifting arm up reflexively.

"Goodnight" we said to Joy, who only nodded, still holding Jiah in her arms. Before we left, I could still feel her long, alert eyesight and I didn't like it to the end.

Donghyuck's room was at the very beginning of the corridor, next to the stairs. I've never liked this place because when someone came upstairs, it was always heard under the door. On the other hand, if his mother called him, he could clearly hear it and Lee Soojin didn't belong to the patient people. When we got inside, Milo was waiting for us at the foot of the bed, sprawled across its entire width. Though I tried to hide it, a grimace of dissatisfaction entered my lips. I hated it when the mattresses were sticky and the animal itself was unsightly in the man's sleeping place. Hyuck apparently noticed my face because he sighed softly and told him to come down. The dog only raised his big head and looked at his master sadly.

"Okay, leave him," I said resignedly. In total, today I think it wasn't the most important thing to take care of. "Let's just lie down."

"Okay," he replied with relief. Clearly, he was satisfied with such a turn of events. He went straight to the bed, pulling only his pants on the way. In this room, it was always much colder than in the others. We never figured out why this is happening. This anomaly was the secret of this house, which after some time we decided to stop interfering. Donghyuck sat in a sweatshirt under the covers and looked at me without much purpose. However, he made me realize that I am still wearing a festive shirt and it is rather unsuitable for sleeping.

"Don't you have any clothes for a change?" I asked. Brunet looked around the room, biting his lower lip.

"You didn't grow up from high school that much, did you?" He muttered, rising slowly from the mattress.

"I don't think so," I replied, following his every move. Haechan went to the cupboard in the corner of the room and looked into its bottom drawer. He'd been digging in for a moment, then took out my old clothes, whose existence I completely forgot. The boy tossed them quickly through the bed.

"I don't believe that moths haven't eaten it yet," I joked.

"Don't worry," he laughed honestly. "This chill perfectly conserves everything."

"I can feel it," I said, slipping fast under the quilt. I hugged Hyuck hard to my chest, slipping hands back into his pocket. There was silence between us but I wasn't sure if it was certainly caused by mutual fatigue. As usual, the Christmas lights hung on the shelves. Sometimes I had the impression that they are in the same place all year long for years and nobody ever takes them off, just lights up for this one week of the year when we all gather here.

"How was at your parents?" Finally asked the boy, breaking the silence.

"Stiff as always" I replied without much emotion.

"Hayoon liked the gift?"

"It would be good if this year, although the whole Christmas Eve would endure till then," I said reluctantly. "In the middle of supper we parted in not good moods," I explained briefly.

"I understand," he whispered. It seemed that another wave of silence was fast approaching, which is why I decided to change the subject. Holidays in my home were not the best way to cheer up the other person. Well, unless she loved black humor or was a sadist.

"I've almost forgotten what your room looks like," I said. "All these old posters are still hanging here," I remarked.

"I feel strange after so many years," he confessed suddenly. "Again like a small child."

"And not like a teenager?" I asked laughing, pulling him closer to me.

"That too," he replied cheerfully, entwining our fingers. "Here we made love for the first time."

"On holiday before uni," I added with a quiet sigh.

"Nice memories," he said sadly. "Although at that time I had the impression that I was seeing you for the last time."

"I'm so sorry for this silly argument at home," I said suddenly.

"Let's not talk about it, Minhyung" he asked.

"I just want you to know that I'm stupid and I really didn't want these words to be said," I explained with sincere intentions. I really admitted that it was my fault. I felt that if I didn't say it, the whole thing wouldn't give me peace.

"Good," he whispered blandly, squeezing my hand.

"Only..." I began uncertainly. "I'd like it to be between us as before, Hyuckie," I confessed. "That this situation will never happen again."

"Nothing has changed, Markie," he assured me, turning to the other side, let us lie ahead. "It's like it used to be," he whispered with a smile, nudging my nose. I nodded to show that I understood. I didn't need anything more today, except that awareness that the last quarrels hadn't changed anything between us.

I moved closer to the brunet and kissed him gently first and then harder when he drew me to him. I felt the cold hand of Hyuck on my cheek until cold shivers passed over my body. The boy smiled subtly under breath, sensing it with no fuss. When I climbed up to him, he only put a finger to his lips quickly to make me realize that we must really be very quiet today. I looked at him with innate confidence because he couldn't think I wouldn't do it. I caught him gently by the hand and pushed it away from his face so that I could return to his lips calmly. In the meantime, I arranged the boy's hands on hips, dictating the non-verbal course of the evening. When we got rid of the underwear slowly, I put hands under his shirt but Donghyuck suddenly interrupted me on the way, stopping them on his stomach.

"Let's not take off anything," he whispered. "Too cold for me today," he interjected timidly, blushing as I snorted, barely suppressing my own laughter. Brunet didn't even know how charming he sounded at the moment. "Shut up," he said, patting me on the shoulder, then pulled me down to him, holding neck.

I could clearly feel his fingers wandering in my hair and the tongues looking for the other. We didn't complain about the lack of a varied sex life but I had to honestly admit that I missed his body. Just like that. If a person gets accustomed to something, then he will feel its lack when he suddenly disappears. That's what I had with Donghyuck. I couldn't bear the thought that someday I would lose him.

I parted the boy's legs gently, finding my place between them. I joined our lips again so that nobody would hear when I enter him, which didn't really go well because our sudden movement made Milo bark loudly. I laughed, hiding my face in Hyuck's neck.

"Quiet, sit," said the boy to the dog, rising on his elbows and barely maintaining seriousness. Milo yawned only in response, then left the bed to lie down somewhere in the corner. Haechan tilted head back, quietly laughing at the whole situation.

I looked at him, honestly amused, not completely believing in the possibility of this whole situation because we had never experienced anything like it before. Hyuck only shook head, as if to say he won't even comment. He took my lips again and moved hips to show that was impatient. I took a kiss on his lower lip, slowly entering and leaving - again and again. The boy closed eyelids, sighing slightly in my ear. Deep down I wanted him not to do it because I really didn't want to disturb the peace of anyone in this house today. Donghyuck, however, didn't listen, groaning and groaning as quiet as possible but clearly audible to me. I moved in him violently, temporarily clogging his mouth with my own lips. I joined our mouth firmly to finish what I was forced to do. If the bed could speak now, it would probably creak like hell.

The magic of Christmas made it not take us much time to get where we were going. It took only a few moments to get from our throats the shouts of fulfillment, which effectively suppressed the hands pressed firmly to the mouth. The tension built by the requirements of the environment actually worked well for us because it stimulated and added some adrenaline. After all, what can be more exciting than sex when parents are sleeping in a room right next to a thin wall?

"Never again," Donghyuck whispered in a shaky voice as his hand rested comfortably on my shoulder.

"I liked it there," I replied, looking at him with a _not bad_ style look on my face.

"You're so silly sometimes," he laughed in answer, tapping my forehead with finger.

**_XOXO_**

The creaking of snow under the soles was quite a pleasant sound for my ears because it only happened in one season and not always. Everyone was waiting for it and the children were especially happy when the ground covered the white fluff. Jiah may not have fully understood the magic of Christmas but she was definitely enjoying the ride on the _gee-gee_ he had become after Milo's fairy tale yesterday. I was a little worried about his fur because the girl held him tightly despite my belaying. I wouldn't be surprised if, after letting go of the dog, there were puffs of black fur in her hands.

Minhyung bravely endured this family atmosphere, which he wasn't used to and even gave Jiwoo piggyback. Taeyong continued to sled older girls, talking with him. I didn't want to cut myself in because I thought it would be better when they finally got in touch. I had to listen to the plans for the renovation of the house, which Joy told me about. I tried to turn off but my sister didn't have any scruples and she asked me every now and then whether I listen to her and what I think about it. I didn't have much choice how to really follow her reasoning. I looked longingly at my parents, who were walking a long way behind us, talking about their private topics.

When we finally got to the clearing, the children immediately set about making a snowman. Taeyong complained that he must help them but in his eyes I noticed these specific flames, which prompted me that he probably waited for it with greater impatience than his own daughters. Everyone had a hidden child inside and I didn't think that he could easily disown it. Especially a middle-aged man. As Joy says: _They are even more childish in their old age_. I didn't dare to disagree. Although honestly, I did not imagine Minhyung in such a state. In our relationship, he served as a serious grave for us two.

As soon as I thought about it, I regretted it so quickly. By being hit by the snowball from Mark, I really had serious grounds to believe that my family influences the brains of individuals who don't function in it on a daily basis. I looked at the man with regret but I could not be angry with him for a long time because he was really happy that he came across me like never before in his life. I've already raised myself to give him back when Jiah suddenly began to cry because some snow fell on her face.

"Shhhh," I whispered, gently wiping the cold water from her cheeks and eyes.

"Give her to me," said Joy. "This guy is really not created to raise children," she added.

"Look better at your husband," I snapped off, pulling Jiah off the lying dog and pointed to Taeyong, who was arguing with Jiyoo which of them was about to put a carrot as nose of the snowman.

"This is... an extremely tragic case," she said, shaking head. "Yeah, Tae, how old are you to take the toys away from the baby?!" she screamed, then couldn't stand the emotion and moved toward him.

"Good God" I laughed.

"This guy has a Lord's cross with your sister," murmured Minhyung, standing beside me. He winced when Taeyong got hit with the snow straight in the face and Jiah started laughing because in the end she wasn't alone.

"Well, I won't deny from pure politeness."

**_XOXO_**

When we finally got all wet in the house, I decided it was the right moment to talk with Hyuck. We entered the room, gaining some intimacy. I took advantage of the moment of carelessness of the boy who changed clothes and reached for the folder lying in the chair under my shirt.

"Honey..." I began uncertainly.

"What?" He asked, poking around in the drawer. In the end, he managed to put on some old T-shirt and looked at me strangely because I still didn't answer him.

"I have something for you" I pulled out a navy blue folder that had been in my office for several weeks. Given this fact, I was a complete fool, leading to all the quarrels that have recently followed a dense avalanche.

"What's this?" He took it from me and sat on the bed.

"See it yourself" I murmured, not wanting to make eye contact with my husband too much. I felt strange in this situation. There was silence in the room when Hyuck studied the documents I gave him.

"An adoption survey?" He asked blandly, looking at me with shock. "I don't understand..."

"Do you remember when I asked you, what is the next stage in our relationship?" The boy nodded his head mechanically. "Well this... this..." I showed on the briefcase, on average being able to express myself. "Do not make me fucking explain this," I let out a loud breath, tilting head back with hands resting on hips. I started pacing the room and Donghyuck had the same expression of disorientation on his face. "I just... I was thinking a lot about it, like really a lot..." I started. "And... if it is to make our relationship going, I don't know... make it somehow fuller or more lucky it is... let it just be like that," I said with the sincere intent to do it. However, Hyuck just got up and turned his back on me, which I didn't expect. I counted on a slightly different reaction, so I also knew on average how to behave at the moment. Suddenly, the boy lowered head and I heard that he sniffed slightly. "Are you crying?" I was surprised.

"Lie" he said in a changed voice, still not intending to show me his face.

"You're crying," I said, laughing at myself. I didn't notice the moment when Hyuck threw a pillow at me with all his might.

"I hate you," he confessed, wiping eyes discreetly. I approached him slowly and strongly hugged. Brunet embraced me confidently, closing eyelids.

"I know," I whispered. "It seems to be good to wish you a Merry Christmas," I added with a smile, kissing Donghyuck on the forehead.

"Merry," he muttered without opening eyes. This moment would be really beautiful until the very end, if suddenly a dog wouldn't come in between us. He sat on my feet and looked at Hyuck, quickly wagging tail. I sighed heavily, looking irritably at the boy.

"I hope that the kid will like me more than this buttface," I said, to which the man reacted with loud laughter.

"For sure, Hyungie," he whispered, pushing the dog to the side with his foot, then hugged me again. "For sure."


	2. How I wonder what you are

Recently, I often talked with my mother. I wondered what kind of a child I was, how I was growing and how I grew up so well despite many reversals. It allowed me to develop the very best qualities that now made adult life easier, even though they once seemed to be stupid and pointless. These conversations have also brought us incredibly close. In the light of recent events, they prompted reflection and inference. I was grateful to this woman for everything that I achieved thanks to her support and guidance and for what kind of person I have become. Only the fear that I wouldn't be able to use her advice in practice alone would grow and parenthood would turn out not to be my calling, as I once thought.

I leaned against the frame of Hyemi's room, unable to get over the fact how many things in the house had changed because of her. Christmas lights over the brunette's bed only heightened this spiritual effect of illumination of the apartment. In the end, it lived its own life, family life. Crying, laughter, screaming, joy, fairy-tale music and the sound of broken glass reverberate all the time. The air around us was no longer dead or passive but it gained color, it became dynamic and definitely lighter.

Enlargement of the family was also associated with changes in ourselves because not only the four walls with the roof were about the house. We have learned to distance ourselves to the world around us and to cooperate more than usual in overcoming the hardships of everyday life. The one that matured the most was definitely Mark. Black-haired was still not empathic enough, he didn't always want to talk about his problems and rather preferred to keep his thoughts hidden. In spite of everything, his emotional evolution and openness to the other man carved a distinctive mark in this seemingly fossilized heart.

The period in which the child reaches the age of three is the time to manifest its individuality. Hyemi might not have done it the way the rest of her peers did but she cleverly refined the mechanism that would clear her path to reach a few moments of independence. She also quickly deduced that it is rather Minhyung who is definitely a more submissive and vulnerable parent. Always tired after work, often distracted, seemingly strict and adamant but in contact with her charm - helpless. That's why when the brunette dragged my unconscious husband to her room as usual, I knew what final this small trip through the corridor would have. Mark, as usual, sailed away while reading the book and Hyemi carefully took it from him and in solitude studied colorful pictures instead of sleepping well. This was another feature I noticed - children at this stage of development are terribly hard to put to bed. And also terribly creative. I knew perfectly well that the girl always chose the most boring book for Minhyung and the better one she's hiding under the pillow earlier. I pretended that I had no idea about her evil plans and she derived silent enjoyment from the fact that she was apparently wiser than adults.

When I drew her attention to the sudden shuffling of my slippers, she quickly looked up from the book, glanced at the sleeping Mark and smiled cutely to sweeten my heart. I sighed inwardly, walking up to her as she spread arms.

"Not nice," I whispered, taking her in hug.

"Daddy sleeps," she mumbled in my ear, drawning fingers into my hair. She really liked doing it. She also always stroked the dog, repeating the word _fluffy_. At the adoption center, we learned that it was most likely associated with the fact that she was brought up surrounded by miniature rabbits, which her dead before their time biological parents breeded. Constant contact with their fur had to somehow relate to pleasant memories, which in the case of such a small child only now revealed themselves in strange habits. Joy's daughter, Jiah, did the same, so personally I was more inclined to claim that it was completely normal behavior for a child of that age.

"I just see," I replied, beginning to sway lightly.

Hyemi isn't developing properly. In many aspects of psychophysics her growth was delayed compared to the rest of the three-year-olds. The period of her theoretical greatest development was at the orphanage, where so many children lived that she was not given enough attention. We spent many hours with Minhyung talking about it. We wondered how we can work on these shortcomings. My mother, whose advice has been systematically used in practice for a week, came to help and she was waiting for improvement as much as us.

Hyemi was legally our daughter for exactly seventeen days but actually for three months under the control of the adoption center she learned to live with us and live in anticipation of the final court decisions. We tried to hide from her all the stress that accompanied us in those days of unpleasant anticipation but actually it hasn't been always working out too well. There were frequent clashes between me and Minhyung but we were both aware of the source of these quarrels and tried to put them back in oblivion. We quickly came to the conclusion that we cannot imagine further life without her and the brunette herself also efficiently adapted to the new environment, treating both the apartment and the dog as her own.

When Hyemi finally fell asleep in my arms, I kicked Mark slightly in thigh, waking him from nap. The man looked at me unconsciously, rubbing eyes and when it reached him where he was he sighed deeply, closing the eyelids last time for few more seconds. When man finally stood up, he combed tangled hair lightly with fingers, making an even bigger mess on head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered absently. I didn't say anything to him, just shaking my head with an indulgent smile.

"Quilt," I said quietly, pointing my chin to the bed. Minhyung quickly uncovered the bedding and bettering the pillow with neat movement allowing me to take off this pleasant weight from my chest and put her to sleep. "Will you turn off the lights?" I murmured, glancing quickly at the man. After a second, a calming darkness enveloped us and me with Mark's arms.

"I dreamed about you," he sighed fondly, putting a lazy kiss on my neck.

"Oh, you say so?" I asked with amusement. "And what was the dream?"

"Pleasant" laughed languorously, as if he were still living with this vivid imagination, then finding my lips in the dark. Each gesture like this was always incredibly stimulating for me. An ordinary kiss could have activated an avalanche almost every time despite the passage of so many years. Invariably, it fascinated me that in some strange way we never got bored with each other. I put it in terms of life's unaccustomed happiness - a gift from fate.

"Not here, are you crazy?" I murmured with laugh, pulling his hands out from under my shirt.

"Where then?" he asked in a contrarian manner.

"Take me anywhere; besides this room," I whispered sensually, finding the handle blindly.

♥

I looked slowly at Hyuck's sun-drenched back, unable to marvel at what impression it had on me. There was something beautiful about it because it matched the brunet one hundred percent, it didn't disfigure him in any way but rather only made even more interesting and attractive. Although the darker complexion in our culture was not strongly approved, I personally loved it in a matter of Hyuck. The brighter the skin, the better the social perception, purity and charm - society says so. People at school sometimes teased him about it, laughed that it was dark, although I never understood what was wrong with it, why it was a reason for jokes. He was just different, he stood out. It was simply beautiful. However, in school times he definitely didn't see the shade of his complexion as an asset and often wore large clothes even in the summer. Every human has his own definition of art and beauty. Donghyuck once told me that if you don't like your body, you have to know how to skillfully cover it but I had no idea if he still felt that way because it was many years ago and I couldn't talk to him about such things, I wasn't able to do so. Emotions have always been my eternal problem and almost taboo.

"You have this unpleasant feeling of upcoming Christmas too, don't you?" He suddenly asked, walking towards me with two cups of coffee.

"Unfortunately," I sighed sadly, taking my glass from him.

"How do we tell them?" He threw out the fear that had been hanging over us for a long time like a hail cloud.

My parents didn't know anything about any adoption. In fact, I was impressed that with my mother's detective aspirations such big deal escaped her attention. Entering the adoption route, we didn't think about the consequences that it entails in the family matter. The child in our home was the only element that my mother insisted on non-existence, disgusting us with these visions at every step. It was only when Hyemi became legally and tangibly our daughter that we both realized what a huge storm this information would make if it meet Lee's ear at inadequate time. Donghyuck's parents have been initiated into our plans more or less from the very beginning. However, we could always count on the support from the Hyuck's home at any time and in any matter. Only this slightly was picking us up. If both families were against our marriage and all the plans we made, the relationship would not have lasted for too long.

"I thought about it," I replied slowly, making eye contact with him. Brunet drew eyebrows, resting feet on my leg. "We'll do it just in the morning on Christmas Eve."

"You sick fucker" Donghyuck laughed, probably thinking of my words as a joke. But I was very serious and it just reached him after few more seconds. "You have great sense of time, baby "he rolled eyes as if it was the worst plan I had ever come up with. "No."

"No" I denied his denial. "I would rather describe it as a conscious act," I said. "Just don't want to spend Christmas with them, honey."

"Why?" boy asked but his expression after a second suggested to me that he realized the absurdity of the words he said. "I mean, it's just a tiring tradition, a habit. I'm not sure if we should break it in such a bold way. "

"But I've already decided," I shrugged dismissively. "Christmas is not for getting tired, Hyuckie. We have to stop it somehow, "I said, putting hand on his thigh. "I prefer to spend my Eve with your family, honey. No quarrels, no stiffness, no remorse. Just like a year ago, "I murmured pleadingly. I could sound confident and convincing but the truth was that if Donghyuck decided otherwise, I would have nothing to say. On many issues, I have recently become far too compliant. In spite of everything, I could see that the boy was reluctantly accepting my point of view. What I was saying just simply made sense, that's all.

"Don't forget that there are still Jeno, Hayoon and Mina. You will destroy their whole holidays, " man hinted uneasily. I smiled under breath, playing with the ring on his finger. He always thought about others and always put their needs above his own, even if it was related to his dissatisfaction or sadness. I loved Hyuck more than my life but this time his altruism was completely superfluous.

"I bet they will thank us for that", I said calmly, entwining our hands together. Brunet looked at me with striking uncertainty. We have always cocked a snook at my parents but rather it was manifested in small, almost imperceptible gestures. This time it was something different, brave, radical. After a while, however, Donghyuck nodded helplessly, his fingers tightening on mine.

"You know I still worry about their reaction, don't you?" He asked carefully.

"Somehow we will survive this," I said bluntly, though heart in my chest thumped wildly at the thought of our common Christmas eve.

♥

Since I remembered, animated cartoons were a big part of my life. As a child, I was strongly excited by its unpredictability, in my adult life they became a liaison with the days gone by and an inexhaustible source of beautiful and innocent symbols. Over the years, I have not grown out of them, refreshing old ones and watching these brand new productions of various directing. My parents instilled this specific love in Joy, she gave it to me and I also planned, at least a little, to give this interest in fairy tales to my own child. For now, I managed to do it perfectly because that little one human being absorbed everything that we watched together like a sponge.

Hyemi loves _Mulan_ sincerely. There were weeks when she came to me with this particular CD even five times, inviting me to watch it together. I never refused because it's an animation that I never got bored with, although I've seen it hundreds of times. This fascination with the Chinese legend has grown to such an extent that I was able to play characteristic dialogue scenes with myself. Minhyung never liked fairy tales, watching them only when he had the mood and the desire to spend the evening with me in this way. Lee, however, always lived in the spirit of rationalism, documentary and drama. Rarely fiction was fascinating for him and tale charming.

"Sad cricket" brunette said suddenly, clambering awkwardly on my knees. She always did it when her favorite song approached. I had to put my arms firmly around her, saving from the melancholy sound of words. "Look at me..." shyly started the first words of _Reflection_ in a slightly trembling voice. I didn't want to interrupt her because each time I hoped she would remember the rest of the words. She hit my thigh a few times with hand, losing rhythm for a second. "... to play this part" she muttered uncertainly, looking at me shyly. I smiled subtly at her, nodding head at the sign that she was doing great. I caught the girl slightly by the chin, thus giving a sign that in a moment we will create a really great duo. That there is nothing to worry about. Words will come alone at the right time.

"Who is that girl I see staring straight, back at me?" I sang, swaying slightly to sides with Hyemi, who tried to mimic the lyrics of the song in response to the movements of my own lips. I got the impression that my little feminine and rather unattractive vocal gave her self-confidence every time we did our private musical. "Why is my reflection someone I do not know?" I asked slowly as Hyemi suddenly covered her mouth with her hand, as if she felt strong enough to finish this part solo. Nevertheless, she gave up immediately.

"Though I've tried" we shared together, exchanging slow smiles.

"When will my reflection show who I am inside?" I suddenly heard behind us, shuddering with fear. Minhyung smiled with satisfaction, enjoying his unnoticed intrusion, which definitely distracted Hyemi from the fairy tale. Brunette automatically pulled her hands up, demanding his tenderness. "Hello, my little lady" sighed heavily when the girl firmly embraced his neck. Initially, I wanted to kill black-haired man for sneaking but I quickly gave up, seeing his nervous face.

"Sad daddy," Hyemi said suddenly, putting hand to his cheek.

"Just a little bit tired, honey," he replied, taking a forced exhilaration.

"Something happened?" I asked uneasily but he just shook head irritably.

"Wait," he muttered, passing me without explanation. He sat the brunette carefully on the ground next to Milo.

"Fluffy," she said with a disarming seriousness, reflexively sinking hands in the dog's fur. The fairytale was again fascinating for her just as a moment ago. Minhyung smiled under breath, stroking her quickly on the head. Then he looked at me again, losing this sweetness from eyes. I nodded towards the kitchen, crossing hands on chest.

All my good mood automatically went into oblivion, perfectly matching with Mark's face. There was some unpleasant information in the air and I was afraid that it was referring in any way to our daughter. The man silently leaned hands on the kitchen counter near my side, sighing heavily.

"My mother was at office today," he finally choked out.

"Well, fuck. That shit will be great " I laughed at helplessness when I heard that it was about my wonderful mother-in-law. I wasn't sure if I wanted to let black-haired to finish what he had to say. I walked silently to the window, staring angrily at the panorama of the city. The closer to the eve, the more and more Lee's logs appeared under our feet. As every year, no respite. Still something new that we wouldn't get bored with our simple life. "What did she come up with this time?" I finally asked, hearing his footsteps behind me.

"She said that they are doing renovation at home and we are supposed to make Christmas Eve here," he replied hesitantly.

"At our home?" I made sure by making eye contact with husband. I was furious.

"Yes" he whispered, dropping head. I snorted in disbelief, looking back at the neighborhood parking lot. I didn't get angry with Minhyung. He wasn't guilty of anything in this situation but it definitely complicated our entire holiday plan. Immediately I felt stupid that in this childlike way I unloaded my frustration on him. We should support each other and I treat it as if man was with his parents in a secret coalition. My heart got even harder.

"It's some kind of fake shit," I said quite gently, not wanting to cause an argument with further unfounded offending every member of this sick family

"I know," he replied in a tired voice. "That's why I'm so worried about it."

"It complicates everything," I noticed, thinking deeply what to do next. "I won't let Hyemi to listen to this whole circus," shook head, as if I wanted to double-deny the vision of Christmas Eve in the company of Mark's parents. I've already felt huge fatigue even if real thing haven't even started yet. Such an unexpected change of plans was conducive to shifting forces. Now I knew that Mrs. Lee knew perfectly well what was happening in our apartment. Her need for a theatrical performance was probably too strong to let her act prematurely in this matter. I decided to keep my thoughts secret, however. It was a challenge she was throwing me down through the broker. I had to accept it. "We will take her to my mother," I said suddenly, after a long moment of gazing into the distance in silence.

"Let's do it," Mark agreed, carefully taking me in his arms. I had the impression that the sense of guilt he felt was so huge that he would even agree to propose a spontaneous flight into space. I couldn't bear this feeling. "I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear, putting a gentle kiss on my neck.

"It's not your fault, honey," I replied calmly. "It's not your fault at all."

"I'm sorry that every Christmas must look like this way," he repeated, completely ignoring my words. I combed his hair gently, letting out a quiet sigh of helplessness from between my lips. Someone who has tormented us for over ten years and still did not get bored with it, couldn't be an easy opponent. In spite of everything, in such a dark mood, we were unable to achieve anything.

"Who is that woman I see staring straight, back at me?" after a while, I hummed in amusement, transferring a song from a fairy tale to our private life, hoping that it somehow discharged this gloomy atmosphere. Minhyung laughed unexpectedly, looking at me with an indefinable mixture of feelings. "Don't worry anymore," I said, gently stroking his cheek with thumb. "Somehow we can deal with it", I murmured despite the awareness that I was already on the verge of mental exhaustion. Black-haired only closed eyelids, nodding slowly at agreement. "We always do".

♥

I walked around the apartment, looking for Donghyuck everywhere. When I passed the corridor from the bedroom to the living room and lost the last hope, I saw the balcony door ajar. I breathed deeply, heading for the cool air mass. The boy stood in the corner of the balcony smoking a cigarette. There would be nothing strange about it, if it were not for the fact that the brunet finished with addiction few years ago and there was no sign of backslide.

"Hyuckie..." I called boy out cautiously but he didn't seem to notice my presence at all. "Hyuck, go inside, it's so fucking cold," I said much louder, eye-catchingly watching the steam coming out of my mouth.

"In a moment," he replied dispassionately, staring at the gray blocks in the distance.

I walked slowly to the boy and took out the tip of cigarette from his fossilized hand. I threw the cigarette butt out of the balcony, paying his attention to my presence. He didn't protest. Only looked at me with resignation, as if he didn't see hope for prosperity in his life today. I put my arms around him, wanting to give him even a little amount of warmth in any way. He stood in the cold only in the thin shirt and today's temperature could strongly affect the fragile state of his health and the ease of falling into various diseases.

"For the first time I see you so depressed on holidays," I whispered, resting chin on his head.

"I'm afraid of what might happen today," said thoughtfully.

"Me too but try not to think about it," replied. "I can't stand you being serious," laughed uncertainly. This day really was different than the others but somehow we had to survive it. From the morning, we wandered around the house in grave moods, cooking without joy, decorating the table without enthusiasm, dressing the Christmas tree stiffly and forcefully. "Someone must be positive here."

"Maybe we'll change this one time with roles?" He asked, trying to smile.

"No way," I refused, kissing him on the forehead. "Unlike you, I cannot be optimistic."

"What a bad luck," he answered totally without expression. Immediately after his words, the doorbell rang out, completely destroying any semblance of the stock of time we had in the morning. "Just go there and open," he ordered calmly. "I will try to put myself together somehow within a few seconds."

"All right" I murmured, putting a kiss on his lips that mirrored all my support and then walked into the apartment.

Donghyuck endured the current situation very badly. The vision of confrontation with my parents frightened him more than me, which wasn't a natural course of things. Sometimes it seemed to me that there was some lack of understanding between us. As if on the line Donghyuck - my mother existed a point about which I had no idea.

As soon as I opened the door, Jeno, Mina and Hayoon revealed themselves and the girl was leaning over my legs, looking for a dog. Milo sensed his faithful fan from afar, appearing in the corridor without calling. The two friends fell into each other's arms almost immediately, imbibing with those rare moments when they could be together. I was planning to suggest a brother to buy a dog but I was afraid that his wife was the main decision-maker in this relationship. She has adhered to the principle of _no animals in my home_ for many years.

"Hello to everyone" I heard Donghyuck's joyful voice behind. I glanced at the boy surreptitiously. His joy seemed authentic but I had a solid foundation to say that this happiness was only apparent and directed.

"Hi, hello," Jeno said, leaving jacket on the hanger. "Parents are not here yet?" He asked.

"Not yet, although probably already on the way" I shrugged. "Come in and make yourself comfortable."

"Can I watch fairy tales?" Hayoon asked Hyuck, holding his hand tightly.

"I can't see the problem," he smiled warmly in response.

"You spoil her too much," Jeno sighed.

"We see each other so rarely..." muttered the brunet. But I knew perfectly well that this is not the point. The boy always tried to reward Hayoon for all those holidays devastated by our family. He bought her fantastic gifts, tried to bring a warm, loving atmosphere at the table, which would be able to compensate for the future occupation.

Donghyuck always said that Christmas is happiness. That Christmas is a family. I never had such Eve in my childhood. Every year it was stiff, quiet and boring but everyone was persistent and didn't interrupt a certain pattern of Christmas behavior handed down from generation to generation. It was a strict plan and all circumstances that weren't included in it were treated as a crime. That's why Hyuck was such a fascinating man and his family was a beautiful chaos in which I could not initially find my way through a long-term functioning within a certain framework. That's why I knew what he was doing and what he was aiming for. He wanted to create Hayoon's eve with his heart's goodness, the kind of things a child of her age deserved. It was also one of the reasons for his vile mood and opposition to talking about Hyemi in a day like this. Sometimes I really came to the sad conclusion that this boy deserved in life for someone much better than a tightwad like me. His unquestionable love towards me and the unconditional acceptance of my faults seemed inconceivable - especially in the face of all those passing years of us together.

"Honey..." I whispered, pulling him back a second. Brunet looked at me questioningly. "I think we should warn them about everything before parents come here," I said quickly but discreetly.

"I think so too..." he muttered. "Just straight from the shoulder, or..."

"Straight from the shoulder" I decided. "I want to apologize in advance for the words they can get in this house today," I added after a moment's thought.

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.

"That I love you a lot," simply said. "I won't let my mother's absurd theater play ruin our holidays."

"Okay," he nodded thoughtfully, then squeezed my hand tightly. "I trust that you're aware of do's and don't's. Everything that is right," he said enigmatically, clearly thinking at one of the points of his own plan of that evening. In the end, however, he passed me and joined the rest of the guests, taking his usual, joyful smile of man without much worries.

"Are you conducting some secret councils among your family?" Mina asked jokingly when I finally joined them.

"Actually, we really have something important to tell you," I began uncertainly, standing beside Hyuck.

"We would like to make sure that none of you would get a heart attack at the Christmas table later," added the boy leaning his back against my chest. Jeno exchanged quick glances with his wife, including in it probably a thousand theories, of which none of them was apt. There was no doubt that later they would discuss each of them in detail, returning home by car.

"For some... month actually..." I started uncertainly, pretending that I really estimate the time in my head.

"...our family has one more member," Hyuck interjected, noticing that this information was going through my throat with great resistance.

"What?" Lee was surprised, with a huge question mark instead of a face. "How is it? In what sense?"

"They adopted a child, fool" Mina winced, looking at her husband as an intellectually disabled man, whom she unfortunately married. "Congratulations" smiled at us, guving quick hug. "Why did you keep this secret from us?" She asked with a slight reproach after all.

"All in all..." Donghyuck muttered, glancing at me. However, I shook my head, also unable to explain it rationally. "I don't know then," he laughed. "It's just that we probably wanted to keep it secret from your parents so much that we lost ourselves in all of it a bit of."

"Okay, but where are you hiding this kid then?" Jeno looked around as if Hyemi was about to jump out of the corner and reveal her identity. "Do you keep it in the basement just to not see the light of day?"

"You're so stupid sometimes, like really...," I said. "It's surprising that we've the same mother."

"We took her to my parents," Hyuck explained quickly, hitting me with an elbow, inflicting a hard punch on ribs.

"And you're going to tell your parents this poop at dinner?" Mina inquired.

"I think so..." thought about it. "At least that's what we're planning."

"Fantastic," she said, having hands up, imitating stretching. "Maybe I'll manage to see the xmas edition of my favorite program then," she said half-heartedly but we all laughed in agreement, until the moment of mirth was interrupted by the second door bell that day. We exchanged a full understanding looks.

"Okay" I murmured, adding a little comfort to myself with such statement.

♥

For more than thirty minutes, the only sound at the table was a calm playlist resonating in the background and the occasional jaws of tableware. All conversations ceased to be followed by dry greetings and ostentatious assurance of others that as a person living in this apartment, taking guests and preparing this whole Christmas Eve, I do not exist for this family anyway. Only Minhyung's warm hand on my thigh made me aware that there was still someone else alive here. I laid my hand slowly on his, focusing gaze on those warm brown eyes. We exchanged silly smiles as always, when the peace at the Christmas table became unbearable. We called it _of Long-lasting silence at the table s_ _yndrome_. We don't even know why. Once, in a joke, this name appeared and stuck to us a few years ago. Black-haired moved fingers a little higher, making a suggestive movement of eyebrows. The whole bordering was so unadequate for similar sexual allusions. In the emotional coldness of the Lee family, stiffness and necrosis, we made fun of it indecently. I licked lips discreetly so that it was only noticed by him. Mark unexpectedly laughed, noticing the whole absurdity and I covered my own smile with hand too. _So old and so stupid_ , as if it would probably be summed up by my mother.

"Are you particularly fond of something, son?" Mr. Lee asked Minhyung, who immediately coughed up sudden amusement.

"Nothing, father," the black-haired answered with full seriousness, which also set me upright.

"Then take care of food," he ordered, looking inquisitively at the eyes of his first-born. "I want to see both your hands on the table," he added after a moment, making a smile on Jeno and Mina's lips, which, however, disappeared as quickly as it appeared. They also had their hidden ritual, enabling the survival of these eve.

"Forgive me but I think I am already big enough to be able to decide where my hands are supposed to be," he said suddenly, getting up from the table, which caused the momentary stupor of the guests. I looked at him quizzically but he only smiled gently, kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry for a second" sighed quietly, walking towards the toilet.

"It seems to me that everyone ate, maybe time for a cake?" Mina asked quickly, wanting to efficiently change the topic of the conversation and ease the situation that had not yet developed.

"I'm still eating," said Mrs. Lee haughtily, whose plate was literally decorated with four olives put out in from the salad addition.

A dead silence fell over the table again. Hayoon stared curiously at the small Christmas tree that I had made with Hyemi a few days ago. The girl gave me a suffering look, to which I replied with a slight shrug, then stroked her head slowly. Mina put arm around daughter, comforting her nonverbally. We were all children once. We all used to count down the days to holidays and presents.

After a few minutes, Minhyung returned to the table, causing the much-coveted confusion again. With an eye-catching look I noticed how his mother quickly takes a look from her son to me and no longer honors any other object with her attention.

"Did you lose something on Hyuck's plate, mom?" My husband suddenly asked with an innocent smile and I looked at him in disbelief. Evidently he was starting to spin, letting me know that his scenario for today was the loosening of all the brakes that blocked him over the years.

"No, why?" She got lost for a second.

"Because you are so intensely staring at him that I already had doubts," he replied in a light tone, as if he even enjoyed it.

"Stop," I whispered, poking him with knee.

"Ah, none of these things" she laughed falsely cheerfully. "I'm just waiting for you to eat so we can bring a cake together" she licked the corner of her mouth, looking at me defiantly. _What are you driving at? Do you want us to be alone?_ Yeah, in fact, she wanted it badly. She wanted to get me in private. As it has been an infinite number of times before.

"I'm already free," I said, slowly getting up from the table. I've been mentally preaparing for this moment for a long time. I lived in the illusion that I was ready.

Minhyung's mother was mentally unbalanced in her own way. An angel played in front of her family but just around the corner - I knew the face that she hid perfectly well. She uncovered it many times before me, knowing that I would not reveal it to anyone. After the craze, she abused me mentally, giving vent to her frustrations.

"I heard that you're no longer working in a music store," she began innocently because our distance from the rest of the family was still not enough for her to take usual tone. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm a producer," I replied calmly. "I make music," explained helpfully.

"What's the money?" She continued, slowly walking to the refrigerator.

"Pretty good," I said evasively, though I knew very well that she certainly found a way to keep track of the amount of my monthly income.

There was silence between us for a second. Mrs. Lee put the baking tray on the kitchen counter and sliced it down efficiently, thus showing a sample of her many years of experience in baking. Every year, it delighted everyone with its own confectionery products but this time she definitely focused on minimalism.

"Where did you hide her?" She asked suddenly, slowly moving the cheesecake piece by piece on a large, ornate plate.

"What do you mean, mom?" I passed the buck, looking for the right number of saucers and forks in the cupboard. I knew very well that she didn't like it very much, if I call her as any normal son-in-law is calling her mother-in-law. She didn't accept me. I was nothing to her and I had no right to do so. The woman laughed cheerfully, trying to keep her look. She shook her head in embarrassment as if I'd really done something thoughtless and immature. She threw hair back gracefully with a flexible neck movement.

"I hope you don't think you can stop my son with a kid?" She mocked, stabbing me at the same time. I endured this gaze bravely, answering it with as much dispassion as I could afford at the moment. I have always felt small and unremarkable towards her. The loftiness of this woman crushed my vulgarity and she sensed the momentary weakening of the opponent as well as the carrion wolf.

"I don't quite understand at what you're aiming, mom," I replied calmly, putting hands on chest. Thanks to this, it seemed to me that I was ready to accept her verbal attack.

"I forbade you to talk to me like that!" She hissed.

"Like what... mom?" I raised eyebrow arrogantly but it didn't make me feel won. I lost this advantage almost immediately, when the woman's hand met my cheek. I clenched jaw tightly, not interrupting eye contact. The line itself was naturally pathetically childish but at the same time it was my only form of defense. All the clapbacks naturally flew from my head.

"I've given him so many valuable man," she growled, staggering the the half circle around her waist theatrically. "So many great parties from good families, with perspectives and the future. And he ended up with someone as hopeless as you, "she stabbed me in the chest with accusing finger and stabbed systematically with each subsequent insult directed at me. "An ordinary, colorless, uneducated poor man who only cares about his money. You pull him down. If you really loved Minhyung, you would not be here just long ago. You would let him lead a normal life on a level to which he was created. And that's when the dog has its day, "she snorted, looking at me with disgust and contempt. I couldn't answer it, so I waited patiently until it'll be finished. I bravely took every word and insult but internally I felt that every barrier of mine fell in succession. Mrs. Lee spoke exactly everything that was whirling in the repressed and dark side of my psyche. These daggers dug painfully into my complexes, imperfections and widest fears or self-grievances. "Where will he show up with someone like you?" She asked in a hissing whisper. "Nowhere," she shook head in denial. "The level of intelligence retained in high school, ordinary mediocrity, which should never be among the company of the highclass. That's what you are. Zero. An ordinary parasite that has hit a vein of gold and pulls out of it like a lousy leech, which I cannot get rid of for so many years! "She growled with hatred, ensuring that every word emanated with venom. It always reached me how much she hate me. Every second spent with me in one room killed her. It killed her professionalism and pride. "But don't worry," she sighed unexpectedly, almost serenely. She put a photo on the table, surprisingly similar to hundreds of others, which she already handed to me each year in a number of few pieces. "Your time will end soon," she said with a smile, grabbing a plate of dough with both hands. "Because how can you compete with someone like him?" She added after a second, nodding head towards photography, then left the kitchen with a proud step, lifting forehead high as usual.

"Fucking bitch..." I whispered to myself, resting hands on hips. I tilted head back, trying to prevent any tears that might somehow leave my eyes. I couldn't break down. Not now. Not now when this whore was sitting at the Christmas table glowing with pride and just waited for my return - the return of a desperate and contrite boy who knows he doesn't fit the puzzle. One feature we shared in all of this. We hated each other with such strong hatred, not being able to despise anyone more than each other.

♥

I rubbed tired face slowly with hand, waiting for my mother to disappear from view, leaving Donghyuck alone in the kitchen. Listening to the whole circus, which was constantly fussing, I became more and more convinced that I knew that I was making the right decision. I wanted to cut myself off completely from her. Break all contact, talks, our common meetings. She didn't deserve the family we created. I was hoping that maybe she would appreciate it all, only when she'll lose it.

I walked slowly into the kitchen, glancing at Hyuck's back. He stood absently, looking out of the window at the dormant city. The index finger of his right hand slightly turned the picture that lay on the counter, which he quickly put away in his pocket when he heard the rustle of my clothes behind him.

"Help you with something?" asked quickly that it didn't look like I was sneaking.

"No, I don't think so," he replied quietly, turning slowly towards me with a smile. His face, however, betrayed a whole range of emotions definitely opposite to joy. "Your mother has already helped me in everything," he added quickly, biting bottom lip unsteadily. He broke our eye contact quickly. It was hard for him to choke it all down. I sighed quietly, stepping closer.

"You're such terrible liar, honey," I whispered, moving finger gently on the red traces of the fingers imprinted on his cheek. I kissed each of them slowly, pulling out the rumpled photograph from the boy's pocket, which presented me and Greg while discussing one of the projects. I often spent my lunch breaks in the park near the company that way. It was nothing extraordinary. I smiled crookedly at myself, tearing the picture into a few smaller pieces. Donghyuck tugged nose discreetly and when I wrapped arms around him, he covered mouth with hand, choking the sobs that had been growing in his chest for a long moment. "In the name of what you always hide everything?" I asked calmly, combing his hair with free hand over and over again. It hurt, I knew it. It also touched me - all these allusions and accusations of countless betrayals. All in all we were married, depended on ourselves and the baseless hatred hurt twice. "Do you know how many of these hidden photos have already been destroyed?" I laughed weakly, trying to be a backrest for the brunet. I knew perfectly well what kind of monster my mother was and that she was overindulging in intrigue behind my back. Keeping it a secret was just plain stupid. No new information about her bestiality could hurt me anymore. "You're my whole world, Hyuckie," I said, swaying him gently in grip. I didn't like to look at his tears. It was rare for him to cry that it almost caused me physical pain. "Whole," I repeated it all. "You understand that, right?" I asked, taking his cheeks in both hands. The boy took a spasmodic breath, nodding. "There is no one more important," I whispered in his ear. "Go and wash over it in the bathroom," ordered gently. "When you come back, we'll tell them everything, okay?" I murmured in a questioning tone. Donghyuck looked at me with glazed, slightly swollen eyes, raising the corners of mouth upward. It was a great Christmas Eve. As always happy and full of love. I loved to spend Christmas this way. Looking at my husband brought to the brink of endurance by my mother. Ah, that familial, innocent squabbles.

"All right," he said in a weak voice after a moment of silence, catching my hand. "I'll be right back," he added after a second, wiping wet cheek with the back of hand.

"Where is Donghyuck?" Mother asked as I sat back to the table. Her eyes were burning and inquisitive. I, however, shrugged helplessly.

"I think in the toilet," replied without much interest.

"Where have you been?" She inquired immediately, as if she suspected me of a conspiracy. With the last of my strength, I bit tongue, not to say that it's still my home after all and she should give zero fucks about it. Meanwhile, just like little Minhyung, I felt the need to explain myself as if I was guilty.

"In bedroom. I had to pick up the important phone, "I said. Mom looked quizzically at my father, who nodded slowly to confirm that I had actually received the call. A nasty mania of control and surveillance.

We came back to eat. Everyone put on a piece of cake, sipping its crumbs with a warm elderberry infusion. A great combination, however, I saw that with the festive atmosphere typical of the Lee family, even such delicacies sticks in everyone's craw. I felt a huge need to end this. I wanted to get rid of this heavy air from the apartment. Release all the unhealthy tension through doors and windows.

After a few minutes, Hyuck slowly took seat next to me, smiling as he always did. As if nothing happened. Only small red scratches on cheek could have suggested anything. I cleared all stress in my throat subtly, thereby drawing the attention of all the family members gathered at the table.

"If such a beautiful opportunity happened... if all Lee family members are here, we'd like to give you a very important message with Hyuck," I said firmly, standing behind the chair on which the brunet sat. I put both hands on his shoulders, adding myself enormous amounts of courage with this innocent gesture.

"We listen" father muttered, who as the theoretical head of this house and the master of all gathered had to express an open desire to receive a message.

"More or less in April, we went with Hyuck to the adoption center..." I began uncertainly, noting that my father's eyebrows are automatically going up, the hand dying halfway up the dough, then covers it completely, trying to thwart showing any emotions to the rest of the guests. "From then on, we were rather its regular guests, attending meetings for future parents and conversations with psychologists, which enabled us to move to the stage where we met a small and incredibly charming girl," I continued with more confidence. Donghyuck slowly put hand on mine, giving all his support.

"Come again?" Finally my father choked, looking at us as if we were couple of psychos.

"Her name is Hyemi" Hyuck took up the baton. "She is a three-year-old bundle of happiness of this house and less than a month ago, the court has proclaimed us as her legal guardians," he finished with a smile, although the content of this information could cause a heart attack on the part of at least one person at the table. A grave silence prevailed in the room. Five pairs of eyes pierced through our two, demanding more details, explanations or going to another room. The silence was interrupted by the crack of broken glass. My mother threw her glass of wine down the table.

"You will regret it, Minhyung," she said suddenly, all shaking with anger. "I really don't understand how you can be so blind. I thought we brought you up as a smart man and meanwhile you let hornswoggling yourself. You will be left holding the bag, he will take away everything from you! "Her voice broke hysterically as she spoke the last words, pointing accusing finger at Donghyuck.

"You told him to sign the intercourse," I pointed with disgust. "What will he take from me? Fucking dog? " I asked with mockery. Father didn't say a word. He returned quietly to his piece of cake, excluding himself from this conversation, which was slowly reaching the appropriate level to advance to the category of intergenerational quarrel.

"What do you see in him, son?" She shook head in disbelief, touching theatrically temples to signal that strong attacks of migraine were returning because of me.

"I don't intend to repeat myself indefinitely, mother," I replied firmly. "Accept our life as it is and stop deluding yourself that you have any influence on it."

"Yongjin, say something, set him upright!" She nudged my father on the shoulder but he remained unmoved. "Take the company away from him!" She screamed, thrashing like crazy. Instinctively, I clenched fingers on Hyuck's shoulder, only noticing, with what terrible face of my mother he had been struggling for so many years and which she hid in front of others. "Yongjin"

"Do what you want, we don't need it," I broke in, drawing courage from father's silence, who was either still in shock or admitting us right deep in heart. "Take everything away. Just leave us alone already," I added, basking with the ultimacy that echoed in my words. That was the complete separation. That was the longed-for end of this toxic relationship that destroyed us.

My mother unexpectedly fell silent, staring at me with big eyes. She didn't accept what was going on. No appeals or reasoning messages came to her. She still only saw her own right. And nothing else. She looked around at all the guests, seeking support but no one even looked at her. In the end, she couldn't stand the silence that had prevailed at the table and ran out of the living room, directing vigorous steps toward the corridor. There was still the sound of a furious fastening with a clothes hanger, preceded by a loud crack of the door, which took place less than a second later. All our attention focused again on her father, who silently applied another slice of cheesecake and poured the infusion. He seemed unmoved by the entire scene that had just taken place, as if similar quarrels were part of his monotonous everyday life. We stared at him in amazement but the man effectively ignored our surprised looks. After a moment, however, all his calmness collapsed when the mother appeared again in the apartment.

"Yongjin! What are you doing now ?! We're leaving! "She broke off.

"I can't even eat a fucking cake in this motherfucking house. Fuck all of you, I'm done," he growled, throwing a fork to the plate with a loud bang. Mina's jaw dropped at these words because my father, always composed, has never cursed in our presence. This time, however, he furiously moved the chair from the table and left without saying goodbye, closing the door behind much more calmly than our mother had done before.

"Can I open the presents now?" Hayoon asked suddenly, tearing us all out of amazement.

"Sure, sunshine," Jeno whispered, exchanging thoughtful glances with me. It turned out that we didn't know our parents at all after all these years of living with them. In its own way, it turned out to be a relatively frightening discovery.

♥

I looked dispassionately at the panorama of the city that stretched before me. I had the bottoming impression that in the last few hours I was spending on our balcony more time than during the whole last year. Tonight was a nightmare in every sense of the word. From the beginning, I knew that this year's Christmas Eve will end in tragedy but I completely didn't foresee the scale of this event.

Minhyung offered to wash the dishes and I didn't protest. Each of us needed a moment of respite in private and Mark always cleaned when he had to think very deeply about something. Tonight his image of the family, which in his conviction functioned and accompanied him from an early age, was completely demolished. Even if he has long sensed that something is wrong with them, it has never been presented to him in such a direct way. Sometimes I had the impression that I knew more about his parents than he actually did. I was perfectly aware of how cruel they can be, what they can resort to to destroy a man who is unwelcome. I never confessed to black-haired how much they humiliated me in my life and how much I had to bear to stay with him and to build any future together. I kept a lot of things for myself because there was no point in mentioning them loudly.

"You'll catch a cold," I heard the calm but tired voice of Minhyung. The man mantled me with a warm blanket, crouching right next to the wall.

"Why do they hate me so much?" I asked in a vague whisper. I knew the answer to this question perfectly but I had to say it out loud anyway. It was an ideal summary of the day. However, I didn't expect any response from black-haired. He always avoided this topic like fire, though it was still in the air. Somewhere, it just was between us.

Lee just put his arm around me, hugging firmly to the chest. I closed eyelids slowly, reveling in man's warmth and finding rest in closeness to his body. I was mentally exhausted and my skull was constantly echoed by the words of Minhyung's mother. She always knew how to choose words so that they would bother me with her venom for a long time.

Somewhere out of consciousness as a perceptual person, I caught the noise of the city, which should sleep now. But it wasn't. Cars still rode numerous streets, drivers were honking the horns on each other and the trains sluggishly slid along the tracks. Not everyone was allowed to sit down to the snow-white table, eat a warm food. Lonely people wandered in park alleys, hid in the dark recesses, wanting to escape from such glorified and pure holidays with their invisibility. In fact, I could describe myself as a very happy person, having the opportunity to spend time in my own warm apartment with a man of my life. At times, however, I was too overwhelmed with this life to see its benefits.

"Look," Minhyung muttered after a moment, pulling me out of this reverie. "The first snow," he added in a whisper. I lifted heavy eyelids slowly, noticing small white petals falling from the sky. "Today we are fourteen years together, Hyuckie," he said calmly. "What can destroy us?" He asked tenderly, smiling gently.

"Now I think that nothing," I replied, looking into his eyes.

"There you go," he confirmed, joining our lips in a short kiss. However, this slight tenderness was completely insufficient for me today. I needed bodily assurance that everything was between us as before. Physical assertion that no one will want to separate us. I desperately asked Minhyung to show this love. I begged for its sudden gratification.

I pressed the black-haired's lips firmly, grabbing him with both hands on the neck. The man securely pulled me, also feeling the need to satisfy his own goals, which I had no idea about. However, tonight we both needed to rebuild a sense of security and a fire of desire that would erase bad memories of the evening.

Minhyung shoved us both blindly inside, ripping from the clutches of the icy air of a frosty dark night. We were struck by the warmth of the living room, embracing the cozy aura of Christmas lights. We passionately exchanged kisses full of emotions, even stripping blindly all our clothes. We didn't foreplay with unnecessary subtleties, wanting to get rid of frustration, which smothered us as quickly as possible, and to satisfy the desire to show the other person the boundless love that we had for each other. That's why we did not care if we would grab or destroy something on the way to bed. We had to have ourselves here and now at all costs. Nothing was able to frustrate us because we did not have each other in a similar way for too long.

Black-haired man pushed me violently on the couch, immediately covering with his naked, warm body. I sighed loudly, gladly accepting thar burden. I bit the boy's mouth, thrusting nails into his back, bending my own body into a bow. Minhyung puffed hard into my ear, igniting all senses to the limit, as there was no greater sound for me than his panting, which symbolized complete domination. That's what I wanted today. I clenched my fingers on Mark's hair, pulling it strongly. The man entered me very quickly, almost eating up every cry of pleasure that left my lips. I wanted him to just shaft me that night, completely ignoring the fact that the walls let out even the smallest sound. I wanted him to be brutal, to be savagely satisfied with his desire, giving me a gift in the form of complete fulfillment.

Today my husband was not gentle. Today he loved me entirely and as if he lost his heart. Minhyung loved me as if there were no tomorrow, forcing our vocal cords to make a huge effort. We exchanged occasional kisses, making almost animal sounds of copulation. I moaned without inhibition, shouting loudly to his name, which dominated all my thoughts, just like the desire for the closeness of his body. I was tasting the mouth of Minhyung to so intense extent that after a second I was forced to break away from them to get some fresh air. The man wandered his hands all over my body, unable to keep them in one place. Finally, he grabbed my wrists firmly and pinned them over my head to the couch.

"Hyuckie" his sigh caught my ear when we were both almost on the verge of endurance.

We came at the same time, groaning loudly enough to stimulate all neighbors who did not expect that in our definition, this night did not come to an end. After a second, I went back to Mark's mouth, finding enough strength to sit on him astride. The man put his hands on my hips, painfully piercing his fingers. He ran his lips delicately over my jawline, then tilted head back with a strong jerk of hair. The tongue of Minhyung wandered around my collarbones and his lips sucked on the skin of my neck, leading me to a state of insanity. I moved hips impatiently, wanting more. That's why the black-haired turned me on the stomach, throwing underneath without warning and went in brutally the second time that night, putting a kiss on my neck, promising not to stop at only one orgasm.

♥

"My beloved children" Hyuck's mother welcomed us with a wide smile from the very threshold. Her immortal reindeer sweater symbolized the next Christmas day, which this time promised to be great from the very beginning. "You look terribly tired," she said, looking at our faces.

"Not at all" brunet laughed, knocking my hand off his buttock. He quickly bettered the turtleneck so he could hug mother without the risk of discovering the hundreds of hickeys I left on it the previous night.

"Happy holidays, mom" I greeted the woman with a smile, closing her in the warm, sincere grip of arms.

"Where is Hyemi?" Hyuck immediately asked, entering the living room, where an answer was waiting for him at hand. The girl slept soundly in the embrace of her grandfather, who adapted to her with his own need to afternoon nap.

"They probably baked a million gingerbreads in the morning," explained Mrs. Lee, leading us into the kitchen. "They fell in love with each other to death," she joked, returning to slicing fruit for compote.

"Can I help you with something?" Donghyuck asked, instinctively approaching the oven. I traditionally excluded myself from busyness around the table because there was no place here for so many Christmas cooks. I sat down calmly in the corner chair and decided to just watch Lee's family in action.

"Take out the charlotte when you've gone there already and stay away from here," she laughed. "I don't need volunteers to eat Christmas food."

"Well, you know, that's not nice to make such a hasty conclusion..." brunet broke off, putting the pie on the counter.

"Son, I'm begging you..." the woman replied with indulgence. "As if I didn't know who I was bringing up for so many years."

"Honey, don't disturb your mother," I said contrarily, pulling him to me by wrist. Donghyuck sat down slowly on my lap, putting arms around my neck instinctively.

"Are you on my side or did you join the opposing team?" He muttered, making a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Of course, on yours," I laughed, rubbing the crumb from his lips with thumb. "You pixie" I added after a while, bettering his sweater. Brunet blushed, dropping eyes at our laced fingers.

"Almost as if I was seeing you from high school," Hyuck's mother suddenly sighed, peeling an apple. "You haven't changed at all." She shook her head with affection. "My son just as inefficiently hides his love bites as he did ten years ago."

"Mom!" Hyuck was indignant, making me almost choke on with my own laughter.

"And you're doing it as shamelessly as you were doing before, Hyungie," she remarked with a sneer, making me blush for embarrassment.

"When will Joy come?", the boy changed subject very quickly to a much more comfortable one than our sexual life ten years ago and nowadays.

"Who knows it... Rather soon" she thought about it. "Half an hour ago she called that they were leaving home but you know how it is with your sister. Her _soon_ can take up to 24 hours. "

♥

For Hyemi, similar holidays were a real shock to which she couldn't get used to. In our apartment she was only with me, Minhyung and a dog and today suddenly appeared to her six new people. Joy's daughters almost immediately cornered her from every side and everyone wanted to play with her first. Hyemi, however, wasn't able to understand what was happening around her and ran straight to the knees of her grandfather, who apparently became her new favorite human. She behaved as if she were going to spend the whole Christmas on those knees and my dad didn't dare even protest. This child did everything she wanted with him.

"Hyuck, you have to see something incredibly funny," Joy suddenly said, calling me to her with an urgent gesture of hand.

"What is it?" I asked, going up to the balcony window. In the yard stood Taeyong with Mark and watched from the distance the largest Christmas tree in the garden, which they were about to cut down for the holidays. Parents didn't sprouced it up because they agreed that it was the children's main joy and not the dubious entertainment for them in the old years.

"Our logisticians" she said being facetious when Taeyong began to show Minhyung how they should get down to this tree and Minhyung nodded in concentration as he listened to everything my sister's husband said.

"I hope they'll finally use this ax untill new year," I sighed.

"Is this daddy?" Hyemi asked suddenly, deftly sweeping me out. She glued like an algae eater to the window, watching Minhyung.

"Yes, daddy" I laughed, squatting right next to her.

"Knock, knock," she said, hitting the fist on the balcony door with the desire to attract attention. Black-haired, however, was too overwhelmed by the entrusted mission to pay attention to her silent tapping. Hyemi looked at me sadly, as if that unconscious ignorance had deprived her of one parent. Fortunately, Joy as a mother of four girls almost immediately reacted with one hundered percent efficiency.

"The guys are deaf to our petitions, baby," she laughed. "It needs to be stronger," she added, and then she slapped the thick glass several times with her palm. Men immediately turned to the unexpected sound. "You see?"

"Yes" she answered shyly, waving her dad in greeting. Minhyung smiled broadly, answering with both hands. Hyemi, happy with the turn of events, turned back into the room, sitting on the carpet beside Milo. "Fluffy," she whispered, sinking fingers into thick fur. "Fluffy," she repeated louder, introducing my dad to this fact.

"Very fluffy" he admitted right away, nodding eagerly, which made her very happy because she had a loyal listener in him.

"She's definitely too adorable," Joy sighed with a smile. "How does Mark act as a father?" She asked unexpectedly. In response, I just shrugged, looking inwardly at my husband playing at being local woodsman amateur.

"He's trying," I replied after a moment's thought. "He's really trying. It has changed a lot for the last several months, "I admitted honestly.

"But...?"

"But..." I repeated, emphatically accenting. "It's still Mark. Sometimes he doesn't know how to show the right feelings. "

"At least you can see he wants to change," she nodded appreciatively.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sensing a slight mockery in her facial expressions and tone of voice.

"This year he came for Christmas in a sweatshirt, not a suit and tie that prevents normal breathing."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. " ironized, crossing arms on the chest. "Your level of joke is getting better every year."

"No tea, no shade," she poked me with an elbow. "We all see that he's getting more normal."

When the Christmas tree finally stood in the living room, the girls almost immediately attacked the bags with decorations, shouting over, whose idea for its decor is better. Finally, they split the tree between each other in four parts and ordered a competition, whose will be the most beautiful. I shook head in disbelief, watching it all from a distance.

"You were like that too," my mother said suddenly.

"No way," Joy denied. "I don't recall having such drama with Hyuck."

"Because you were older and you always put on your own, smothering your poor brother," my father replied calmly, patting me on the shoulder, which only left me to laugh in disbelief. Especially that the sister's face proved to be invaluable.

My attention was immediately drawn by Hyemi, who chose her favorite bauble but she didn't have enough punching force to squeeze between the girls to the Christmas tree. I sighed with sadness, seeing in her the old self, who really always stood with his favorite ornament somewhere in the corner and waited for the older sister to be artistically fulfilled and do everything her own way. I approached girl quickly, wrapping her arms with mine.

"Where do you want to hang it, honey?" I asked.

"At the top," she whispered, as if this innocent desire would bring at her family's anger. I kissed her rosy cheek firmly and took a piggyback. When I popped the brunette into the dream twig, she caught it tightly in both hands and very carefully hung her first, important, Christmas bauble on it.

Behind me I heard the ringing of Minhyung's phone, which immediately turned my attention away from the Christmas tree. The man looked at the screen with concentration and then did something he usually never did - he left the room to answer the call. I pulled eyebrows, wondering who had been calling him on the first day of the eve, that he couldn't pick it up normally with us all in one room.

I put our daughter carefully on the floor, looking for Jiwoo. When our eyes met, the girl quickly ran to me, pulling a long, fluffy chain behind her.

"Will you take care of Hyemi?" I asked. "She is too small to do a Christmas tree herself and I need someone responsible for this task."

"Of course I will help," she said quite seriously, taking her new friend gently by the hand. "Come on, Mimi. Together, we decorate our branches the most beautifully, "she said with conviction, which pleased both of them. They could have created an opposition coalition with the rest of the conflicted sisters.

Meanwhile, I followed Minhyung, wanting to find out who has such a moron to disrupt anyone's holidays. The man walked back and forth along the corridor with his cell phone to his ear.

"I think we can meet only in the new year," he suddenly replied to his interlocutor. "Now I am with the Donghyuck's family, so I won't be able to appear in the company soon." I leaned discreetly against the door frame, watching Mark's nervous walk. "Hyuck doesn't need to know anything," he said unexpectedly, sighing irritably and my heart beat faster. I didn't like when Minhyung had any secrets from me and that was their explicit declaration. "We've seen each other so many times without his knowledge that I personally don't see the problem," he continued, more and more puzzled. Black-haired smiled weakly at the phone. "Happy holidays," he said. "See you in New Year."

At the table, as usual, there was a real babel. Everyone was shouting and each girl wanted something completely different to her food than her sister, so you had to focus very much on the requests that were postulated. I remained very silent, remembering the mysterious conversation of Minhyung. I looked at him from time to time stealthily but he didn't behave differently than usual. He was very focused on feeding Hyemi, skillfully ignoring the whole buzz around us. I began to come to the unpleasant conclusion that after recent events I was a bit too suspicious of him and I shouldn't succumb to any stupid thoughts. In the end it was my Minhyung. He would have told me right away if something important happened to his life. That's why I decided not to ask for anything yet.

"How are we going to sleep at all?" he asked me, looking at the bed from high school times, which didn't look like it would be able to fit an extra person somewhere on the side.

"I sleep in the middle," Hyemi said with conviction, crawling slowly across the quilt toward her dream place.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," I sighed moodily, sitting on the edge of the mattress.

"Something happened?" Minhyung suddenly asked. "Somehow you behave strangely today."

"Nothing happened," I replied cautiously, fighting for a faint smile. "I think I just got tired of all this noise today," I lied smoothly.

"Indeed," he admitted, sliding under the quilt on the left side of the bed. "This year, Christmas is probably much louder here than last year," he added uncertainly, moving Hyemi more to himself, so that I could find a piece of free bedding. I laid myself carefully in the open space, reducing the distance between our bodies to the necessary minimum. I thanked the brunette for this _middle_ that she chose her own because I wouldn't be able to hide all my doubts from husband if he was in bed as close to me as usual. Besides, I really felt that I was exaggerating, so I didn't want to share these absurd insights with anyone.

"Goodnight" I whispered, putting out the light. I felt that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep soon. There were too many different, strange thoughts in my mind that I was ashamed of.

♥

When I woke up in the middle of the night, Hyemi was lying halfway around Hyuck's bed and brunet was nowhere to be found. The watch showed the three in the morning, making me painfully aware that the whole house would be asleep for a long time yet. I looked around languidly around the room, resting entire weight on elbow. I looked once again at our daughter, who completely dug up the bedding in which she was lying. I breathed heavily, covering baby with quilt. This room was far too cold to sleep for such a small child.

I slid off the mattress discreetly, carefully watching if I would wake Hyemi in any case. Her sleep was really shallow and any rustling could tear her away from the land of dreams. However, the girl still lay quietly, hugging her favorite teddy bear firmly to breast.

I left the corridor unhurriedly, noting down at once a familiar murmur and a series of television glow. I pulled sleeves over hands, combing unkempt hair. I walked slowly back to the living room, noticing the blanket wrapped around Donghyuk's body who was sitting cross-legged on the couch. Brunet watched _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ for the thousandth time, although it wasn't actually a nice little story. The boy loved all the productions of Tim Burton, who personally frightened me and never saw anything fascinating in them.

"I haven't seen this movie in years," I said, sitting down next to him. However, the man didn't react to my presence in the room. He listened intently how the nightmarish October creatures sing _Making Christmas_. I winced slightly, feeling uncomfortable with this climate.

"What was that call in the afternoon?" He finally asked, explaining to me the vile character that had been holding him since yesterday evening. I rolled eyes, deeply sighing.

"It wasn't important, don't worry," I replied with a smile, putting a hand on his thigh. Brunet, however, didn't say anything to me, once again shifting gaze to the TV screen. I knew it would all end in that way. Hiding the truth from Hyuck never made any sense. But there are things that the boy doesn't have a clue about and I didn't like him to be part of it. These were business and family issues. I didn't like to deal with similar matters on holidays. "My father called," I answered reluctantly.

"What did he want?" He muttered. "Ask how are our holidays, which, as usual, they ruined?" He added bitterly.

"Oh, Hyuckie..." I whispered, putting arm around him.

"I'm sorry," he replied, closing eyelids. "I still can't get over it."

"I see it," I said less tactfully but honestly. The boy shrugged in response, grabbing my hand. He began to slowly rotate the ring on my finger, while watching the film's plot. Sally just dressed Jack in Santa's costume, which looked just as ghastly as the whole freaked tale.

"What did he want?" He finally asked.

"Meet after holidays in the company and talk," I replied without conviction.

"Mhm..." he muttered mysteriously, leaning back against my chest. At least it seemed to me that he was a little less angry than before. After my mother's bitter words, I didn't blame him that every suspicious phone was skeptical. I was hoping, however, that his faith in the constancy of my feelings was a little bigger. "About what?"

"I don't know" I admitted without beating around the bush. "But he asked us to come together with Hyemi if it'll be possible."

"Interesting," he whispered. "I wonder what he has prepared for us."

After these words, we both fell silent, watching the little-colored pictures on the screen. Donghyuck was still playing slowly with my ring, probably not being fully aware of it, while I began to wonder what is sometimes going in his head. About what I still don't know.

Lee was not a particularly wealthy family, I knew it from the very beginning. Brunet actually didn't hide the fact that sometimes he lacks the money for the simplest things. He didn't feel shame about his financial status because it was natural for him in his own way. In such conditions he grew up, he was like that, I loved him that way. His modesty and goodness of heart were endearing. My mother, in turn, took all his kind smiles as impudence and haughtiness. She often said that he was behaving at our home as if he were at his own property. Donghyuck stopped visiting me after this. I thought then that he had heard such words from her mouth more than once. She destroyed his self-esteem step by step and he was silent, not wanting to make me aware of it. However, I knew about everything. I knew he was suffering but he didn't say a word with intention not to hurt me. With time, I began to think deeply about how many of his meetings with my mother were coming behind my back. With time, I learned that there were quite a lot of them. Long, tiring and grim meetings that constantly undermined the foundation of our marriage. But Hyuck never complained. He always dealt with all things bravely in seclusion and silence, somewhere far away from my sight.

Now we were staying in this strange grip on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and seemingly free. We spent our holidays lazily, in no hurry, never rushing, in warm sweaters, stretched sweatshirts and worn trousers. It came to me that I was striving for this kind of life all this time. I didn't fit into the white walls and floors planted with Italian marble. I fit into a quiet, small house, which was something beautiful in its charming, family haven lit by Christmas lights. Here nobody was afraid to say what he thinks, what he dreams about and what he really feels. I wanted to create such a family in the future.

Donghyuck finally fell asleep, putting head on my chest. He left me alone with the production of Burton, still firmly holding hands. I didn't intend to wake him up, giving the boy away all the hours spent on depressingly analyzing our marital problems. I felt that now he was finally calm and able to afford a bit of sleep.

Hyuckie was my greatest happiness from the moment when I got to know him better. I imagined with horror a scenario of life that didn't take him into my way. A life that would be rigid and sad, enclosed in a strict framework that I wouldn't have dared to cross. Brunet gave me the opportunity to create a more normal, warm family. He trusted me, entrusting not only his own body but also the soul. I could never get a better gift from anyone.

♥

"We have to speed up a bit, darling," I said as I walked towards the elevator as fast as I could. Hyemi was terribly whiny and sleepy, so it didn't make things easier for both of us.

"My feet hurt," she complained in a weeping voice. I swore unde breath, quickly taking her on hands. Fussy kid was exactly the missing part of my heart.

This day was a flap since the morning. I overslept a meeting in the studio, where I was greeted with unfavorable looks, the recording was long, tedious and tiring, Hyemi went sleepy because Minhyung, going to the office, unwillingly woke her from sleep. In addition, we now have literally five minutes to get together to meet Mr. Lee on the top floor of the office building.

I ran quickly to the elevator, hugging the brunette. I took a deep breath, glancing at the button panel but noticed that the twenty-five were already glowing green. I glanced behind me, meeting with Greg - Mark's new favorite from the photo. I nodded politely to him and he dropped eyes on the briefcase. I smiled under breath, shaking head in disbelief. Loser.

"Are we going to daddy?" Hyemi suddenly moaned, her cheek restraint on my shoulder.

"Yes, sweetheart," I said, swinging her lightly in arms.

"Sleepy" began to linger, putting fingers in my hair.

"Just a minute" I whispered, massaging her back with a free hand.

Overcoming each floor was a pure chore for me. I could feel Greg assessing himself, who carefully examined every millimeter of my body. I was perfectly aware of the fact that in my checked shirt, trousers with holes, disorder on my head and this dark complexion I didn't look like anyone from the company's environment. I could pass up here as a gardener who arrived with a flower delivery. I would like to bet for the fact that the man behind me just felt better in his suit, reveling in the sense of superiority that provided him with height and self-esteem based on the rigid posture of the body.

On the seventeenth floor, Minhyung's assistant got into the elevator. She spent a lot of time in our home, refining various projects and runing behind my husband with unsigned documents. I was relieved when I saw her smiling face.

"Hi, Hyuckie" she kissed my cheek. "Are you going to Minhung?"

"Yeah" I sighed. 

"Is this your secret baby?" She asked with fascination, looking at the sleeping Hyemi.

"Yes" I laughed, bettering the little girl in my arms. "But she just flew away."

"What a lovely critter," she said, carefully removing her hair from face with finger. "At that time, it seems to me that you will have a small family reunion?"

"Unfortunately" I grimaced with distaste. At the very thought of looking at Minhyung's father today, tripe tumbled in my stomach.

"Given the way they usually end, I keep my fingers crossed" she patted me with compassion on shoulder.

"What are you going to do with Mark?" I quickly changed the subject while we had some time left.

"The chairman asked for a yellow folder with the documents that will be needed today," she replied shyly.

"You can not tell me what the documents are, do you?" I guessed. The woman shook head slowly. "Don't worry," I consoled her. "All in all, I don't care too much about the life of this company."

When we got off the top floor, I felt Greg like a shadow, he was following us in peace. He didn't say a word all along the way and Eunji had also effectively ignored him because she had told me secretly that she didn't like him at all.

Minhyung was waiting for us in the lobby, talking to the secretary. He tapped fingers nervously at the top of counter, explaining some rather insignificant matter. When he finally noticed me, walked slowly with a wide smile and greeted me with a strong kiss.

"You look good today," he whispered, keeping in mind the sleeping Hyemi, which he gently patted on the head.

"I feel like a taxi driver among all these whistle and flute," I joked, combing his hair with free hand. Minhyung barely suppressed a loud laugh, picking up my hand on the way.

"You exaggerate," he said. "I would gladly take off this neck pinching shit," he added with a disarming frankness. He must have been very tired and upset today with father.

"Mark?" Greg interrupted abruptly, reminding us that we were in the company and there were people around.

"Yeah?" He asked as confused as I was. Minhyung embraced me tightly around the waist so as not to lose physical contact and look at the young man.

"Do you have time to look at my project?" He asked timidly but with noticeable coquetry.

"Not now," Minhyung answered him bluntly. "Leave it to me on the desk, I will send you an email with an opinion in the evening."

"Hmmm... I thought we would take it somehow, calmly over coffee," he put in with a smile, earning a high eyebrow from me.

"I'm sorry," said Mark. "If you care about consulting another human being, I'll bet Eunji will have a will in the afternoon. You can talk to her about every important issue, "he consoled, patting his shoulder tightly. "Forgive us now," he nodded politely. "Are we going?" He asked in a whisper.

"I think so..." I sighed, preparing myself for what was waiting outside the chairman's office door. Although Mihyung's father had not directly managed the company for a long time, he still had his own office in which he sometimes sat, reading important documents and supervising his child's activities passively.

Eunji followed, wielding a mysterious yellow folder that only Mr. Lee had access to. When I asked Mark if he knew what was in it, he just denied it helplessly, shaking head.

Entering the office, a very unpleasant shudder passed me. I felt like I was having an old nightmare anew. Because I've been here before. I sat in one of those expensive, leather armchairs and was on pins and needles, avoiding the look of my future in-laws. It was just after Minhyung went to college. Almost as if following the scenario of cheap Brazilian soap operas, I was given a white envelope with a huge amount of money inside. No amount was a hindrance to them at the price of the freedom of their first-born son again. I refused the offer, counting on the subsequent consequences.

I came here again today.

"Welcome" greeted us freely, pointing the couch against each other. The man's gaze immediately rested on Hyemi and I could have sworn that even for a second his lips were bent in a friendly smile. It could have been a mistake, however.

There was a cake and cups of coffee on the table. We sat slowly in silence, discreetly looking at each other. Minhyung slowly clasped our fingers with each other, encouraging me. Eunji put a yellow folder in front of the president, which he asked for earlier, prolonging the period of unpleasant tension.

"At the outset, I wanted to apologize to you for this unfortunate eve," he said. "Not only that we were guests in your home, it was the evening that had its tragic finale," he grunted. "As you guessed, Dahwa is still mortally offended, so I came here alone."

"What is it about, dad?" Minhyung finally asked.

"I think the moment has come when I have to stand clear myself of completely, son," he said quite seriously, pulling out a pile of various cards on top of it. He began to sign reflexively one by one. "I decided to leave this company in the full sense of the word."

"Why am I here, then?" I gathered the courage to take any voice. I didn't hide my surprise with his gesture towards Mark. The boy himself was shocked to such an extent that he only watched his father without saying a word. The company was the last thing his mother could have blackmailed him with. Lee devoted his whole life, preparing to lead it. The prospects for employment in the same industry, in the same position only elsewhere were in fact very poor. "I don't take an active part in the life of your family business. You told me to get away from it. "

"And I keep this request naturally," Mr. Lee confirmed, nodding calmly. It just came to me that this man really has his years. "You're here because you've been faithful to my son for so many years... You have an influence on his decisions and together you somehow go through this life," he muttered under breath, handing over documents to Minhyung. At last he looked me straight in the eye, wrapping hands on stomach. "I would like to apologize to you for all the damage we have done to you and your family and you know that there were many of them. I don't say immediately that we have to love each other immensely and let the whole past go into oblivion... "he remarked with disarming honesty.

"That would be impossible, either way," I said bluntly, sitting side by side on the couch, awake Hyemi, who was looking at her grandfather suspiciously. I guess she didn't even know where she actually was.

"I know," he confirmed. "I must admit that I regret that things have been at similar course from the very beginning," he added. "After all, I'm just going through a real retirement. From what I see, my son made a beautiful daughter, once again I became a grandfather, "he announced, smiling subtly to the brunette, who gathered her courage and waved to him. "You already cover the issue of parenthood and I know that you, Donghyuck, play a decisive role in this relationship."

"What exactly do you mean?" Minhyung asked, listening from the distance this exchange of words.

"If you will let me see my granddaughter as often as possible, I would be very grateful" he answered quite seriously, dividing his attention between the two of us.

"Hyuck must indeed decide about this matter," said Minhyung seriously. "Forgive me, dad. You know how it is," he shrugged.

"I understand," he nodded, waiting patiently in the chair, until the black-haired reads carefully all the papers and signs each one separately. At that time I had to make a decision alone. It wasn't hard. In the end, Hyemi was his granddaughter anyway. Each pair of hands to help with her upbringing and development was important. Only Mrs. Lee with her dangerous mood swings was the matter that bothered me a lot recently. I wouldn't trust her to take care of our child for anything in the world.

"Who's that, daddy?" The girl asked suddenly, whispering in my ear. However, she did so indiscreetly that the father of Minhyung smiled honestly.

"This is your grandfather, honey" I explained to her calmly but the brunette shook head in denial, as if I had no idea what I was talking about.

"But I already have a grandpa," she said with conviction, glancing at the stranger.

"Every child in this world has two grandpas," I smiled happily at her and she opened her eyes wide with astonishment. "Do you want to meet him?" I asked and she nodded uncertainly. "Then you can go to your grandfather," I encouraged, putting her on the floor.

"Thank you," replied the man warmly, reaching out to her. "It really means a lot to me."

"I have nothing against these meetings until they are held in our home," I said, at once setting the exact limits of this relationship.

"Hyuckie..." Minhyung murmured uncertainly, as if my words would offend his father directly.

"I'm very sorry but I won't let your mother deal with our child, honey. Certainly not after what she has shown us all lately. "

"No problem," Mark's father suddenly said, tossing Hyemi on his lap. "Such a layout doesn't bother me at all," he said with conviction, surprising me with his uncompromising nature as well as Minhyung.

I looked discreetly at my husband who returned the look. We slumped in disbelief at the comfortable back cushion of the couch and began to look at my father-in-law, who began to talk to Hyemi without any embarrassment like someone on his own level. The girl liked it very much because she liked to be sometimes treated as an adult.

It occurred to me that our unfortunate Christmas Eve a week ago was a determinant of some changes. Many things have reached its climax and changed our lives in many fields almost unrecognizable. Minhyung's father wanted to make up for the time. He knew that he was a non-existent grandfather to Hayoon and now he tried to make up for it and to compensate for his lack of affection for the family.

This year has set a new track in our lives. We gained another family member, reorganized our plans for the future and professional career. We explicitly told ourselves which family we fit better and with whom we want to spend our next holidays. We have become determined and relentless and courageous. We have learned to live according to our own rules, become independent and shape our own surroundings. We have learned to look differently in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that small-notsosmall story ♥


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